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female
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anonymous
writes: hi, i have been seeing a guy for the past four months, everyhting was going great for the first month, then his ex got in contact with him telling him that she absolutely loves him and wants him back, he told me that he doesn't want her and that he's convinced that she only wants him because he has someone else. well now things have changed, i have found out that he has been seeing her and feels guilty that she is on her own and doesn't know if he wants me or her, he says he's confused and often sits at night comparing the two of us. i am confused too. his girlfriend finished with him 9 months ago on his birthday. they have been in an on and off relationship for the past five years. i always know when she has been contacting him because he pulls away from me. he says that he is also scared of starting a new relationship, i think he maybe thinking better the devil you know. he said he enjoys his time with me and i make him feel good, he likes kissing me and when he kisses his ex it feels like hard work. he has told me that he can not move forward with me because he still has feelings for his ex but also says he can't work out if he likes me that much or not because his ex will not leave him alone long enough for him to know what he really wants. she goes round his mothers house 3 times a week, they have been broken up for nine months. what is this girl playing at, when he tells her he isn't seeing me anymore she backs off. what should i do? walk away (am i wasting my time)? go and see her and ask her what she is doing? he will not make his mind up, i have finished with him before but then i get a text from him and like an idiot run to see him and then just try to act cool about everything, but that is hard now and this situation is really affecting me.
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (18 October 2006):
 Well, if its affecting you this much and you are bothered like this, I say finish with him again. There is no reason for you to go back and forth with this. Let him go and think of what he wants to do. His relationship with his ex is a factor, granted it was on and off, it was five years and thats nothing to sneeze at. He needs time to think and so do you. People feel that time will harden someone's heart against you or give another person time to weazle in but in fact time provides a lot of time to think and reflect even when you're not trying to. Sort your own head out and if he comes back you lay down the ground rules and if he doesn't you move on and feel better for it. Good Luck.
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