A
female
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anonymous
writes:Ok, I think I have a problem, but I would LOVE to trust my boyfriend more than anything. He started working for a window cleaning company a few months ago. There is this girl that is his "boss" and I guess they get on pretty well. For some reason, I've just had a bad feeling about this girl from day 1. It just seems as if she is up to something. I've had asked him many times if there was a friendship with her that I didn't know about and he always denied it. A couple weeks ago I found out that him and this friend have been to her house. He claims she had called and asked for a favor from him and when I asked to talk to her (I haven't met this girl yet),he wouldn't let me. Then he finally admitted that there was a relationship just not best friends or whatever. I feel very insecure when he is around this lady and he knows that and still went to her house thinking that it was harmless without telling me. I know she has slept with other people at his work, particularly the one I get information from, which is my friends cousin. My bf does not know this information.I've been asking to just meet her so I know who I'm dealing with, but everytime "something" comes up and it don't happen. He had said that she is very married and very chubby. I have come to find out that she is going through a divorce and she isn't as chubby as he claims. I would like to see with my own eyes though. I have let it be known that I am very uncomfortable with this relationship that he has with her and I don't think he sees anything from my point of view. He is making it very hard for me to trust him, but he has NEVER done anything like this before.Examples: He went out to move the car and stayed in there for a few minutes. I asked him why he was in the car so long, he said he was looking for "something". I checked the call records, he called her. Says it was to tell her he was working the next day.....hhhmmmm....then still called her the next day at 5:15 a.m. to find out directions. Why would she be up at that time too? She wasn't working with him as he claimed.Says he calls her for just directions, well today he called her after he was done talking to me, but he knew where he was going. I just don't understand. I love my boyfriend very much, but him lying to me isn't helping anything and it's driving me crazy. I have other examples, but it would be too long on here. Can anyone please give me some kind of advice as to what YOU think I should do? I'm trying to just not think about this situation altogether, but it's kinda hard since he sees her EVERYDAY he works. Please help!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): I don't know if your boyfriend is cheating on you, but you need to back off.
Firstly, never and I mean never deal with the woman or confront anothe woman that you think your man may be sleeping with, granted if she knows about you, she might deserve a word or two, but it won't make your boyfriend think highly of you, and if he is very immature he may be looking for this kind of drama of two women fighting over him and you don't want to give in to that, and he is the one who you have ther relationship with, not her, so deal with him.
Secondly, your boyfriend may be avoiding you checking his phone calls and such by going out to the car simply because he is annoyed, is trying to do his job and wants to avoid confrontation with you.
He may very well need to call her to find out about the next job or directions or what ever....and there is not really anything wrong with him being friends or friendly to his boss who happens to be a woman.
It sounds like your relationship is unhealthy anyway, there is no trust, can't say if it is warranted or not, but until you have absolute proof of him cheating, checking up on him is just driving you nuts...if you think he is cheating, he probably is, and maybe not just with her....you need to rethink this whole thing and ask yourself why you think wooping some woman's ass is going to solve your problem, you sound as if your main concern is finding out who you are dealing with.
You are dealing with your boyfriend....do you want someone you can trust, or is it time to end the bleeding and end this relationship, you decide, but playing detective is not the way to go about it. Ask him.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (7 January 2007):
You find yourself in a situation where you suspect your boyfriend is having an affair, and you don't trust him. You also mention deceptive behaivour and lying. My advice would be to empower yourself in this situation. At the moment you feel like you have no power, no control. To do this, look at all of the issues which cause you to lose trust, and then think of what you want to do about those issues. Then go to your bf and say: "Our relationship is in trouble because I don't trust you. The reason I don't trust you is that I suspect you may be having an affair, and that your behaivour is suspicious." See what he says, thinks, how he reacts. Have an idea of what you should do about it, and see what he thinks needs to be done about it.
Bottom line is, it is about trust. If you lose your trust in him, your relationship will not last, and if he is not prepared to win your trust back, it will not survive. If you truely love him and value your relationship, why not seek councelling? It helps.
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