A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:For the first time, I truly love a man, but I can't let him know because it would freak him out. His ex badly hurt him about a year ago - they'd been together for 5 years when she cheated on him. She's still with the other guy but still sees my one (lets call him Simon). I've been seeing Simon for about 6 or 7 months. He's away on a trip to try and clear his head of his ex issues. He's told me he's still got stuff to work through, but there is no way they could ever go back and get back together. I think she sort of wants to. When she met me (she insisted he bring me to a barbeque she was having once) she got jealous and dragged him off to cry on his shoulder for an hour. I think she's confused and wants him to still care about her, but I also think that's bad for him. I don't mind if he goes back to her as long as it makes him happy, but I think she'd just hurt him again and I never want to see him get hurt again. I don't know if there's anything I can do except wait for him to work through his issues, help him where I can, and try not to get too upset by his ex hurting him...I don't know what to do! He just thinks I'm a really caring person, but in truth I just care about him! I'm not deluding myself that we'll be together anytime soon. We're seeing each other casually and have the most fantastic time together doing anything and everything. We can talk about anything (except my feelings for him) and I love how comfortable I feel around him. Anytime I drop hints about how I feel, he backs off, looks pressured and generally doesn't reciprocate. But he does things like ask if I've been seeing anyone else and look relieved when I say no. It seems that as long as I back off slightly, and he's the one instigating it, he'll start saying things like I miss you, I really care about you, we have such a special connection... Any ideas on what any of this means? And whether I should see other men so I don't feel so emotionally involved (hopefully)? I've sort of been seeing someone else for a couple of weeks but I think I'm automatically sending him "just friends" signals.
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female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (1 July 2009):
HEY as long as your not being hurt and no where you stand more power to you, I believe what you say about the ex she doesn't want him but she doesnt want him to be with anyone which is selfish and really sad but he is the one that keeps falling into her web of drama all you can do is encourage him to keep moving forward i can understand why he would be scared of his feelings for you, but i would probably let him know that iam keeping my options open god knows you cant sit around waiting for him to get his head screwed on straight see where it goes then but eventually if he doesnt respond maybe you should think of moving on
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