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female
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anonymous
writes: really need some advice. I have been in two serious relationships in my past - one for 7 years (he cheated on me and left me for someone else) and one for 2 years (he was very controlling and mentally abusive). I have started seeing somone (who i met on the net). We have been together for 5 months and I love him very much indeed. Due to my past I find it hard to trust people so one day (about 10 weeks into our relationship) i looked on his mobile and found all these messages to some girl - all sexual stuff and saying how he hadn't receieved her pictures yet. I was gutted and confronted him immediately also owning up to the snooping. He poured his heart out to me saying he loved me more than anything and knew that soon he would have to open up to me and he was texting this other girl to realise how much I meant to him and to make sure I was the right girl to open up to - we cried and talked really frankly about it all. Since then we have met one anothers parents and been on holiday together and we get on great. My problem is I am constantly checking his phone or searching internet dating sites for his profile which I have found but most of them he hasn't logged on to since we met - there was one he had but I asked him about it and he said he was trying to delete himself off. Am i fool for giving this another go - I do believe he loves me I just wish i could trust him. He says he has no reason to look elsewhere and i am all the woman he needs (since finding those texts and checking his phone regularly i've not found anything else suspicious) but I don't want to live a life of checking up on him and not trusting him. I don't want to lose him. He does so much for me in lots of ways and we have lots in common. Please help!!
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female
reader, angle_eyes10 +, writes (8 December 2005):
HIi've been in similar relationships to you. once you have been cheated on and mentally abused in past relationships, it's always hard to trust anyone, and no matter how amazing a new partner may be,( the only man i turely trust is my dad!) we always find some kind of fault with them.when i started a relationships and things were great, it felt wrong, cos i was so used to being hurt, and i always seemed to find something wrong with them and argue, cos that kind of relationship felt right to me.it's taken me about 5 years to try and get over the hurt ive been through. trust really does come with time. when we meet someone we really like, we get impatient and want everything right now, instead of allowing the relationship to take it's natural corse.i dont blame you for looking through his phone, as it seems youve had the same kind of past as me, and unfortunatly this is something i still do with my current partner. and to be honest any text off a girl i find as innocent as it is, i always feel hurt and cheated on.Hes poured his heart out to you and has come across as honest as possible. it isnt nice to hear someone has gone through your phone as its your personal space, but hes forgiven you for that and has told you how much you mean to him. personally i would have let him know how hurt i would have been (which im sure you did) i believe everyone deserves a second chance, so say this to him. but be cautios, he knows you look through his phone and might be finding other ways to contact people. any other signs of cheating or texting to other girls sexual stuff, then confrount him. it sounds as though you have a good relationship together, dont throw that away because of your past. Dont let your past boyfriends control you even though you still arnt together.yes its important to be cautious, and of corse the turst element should come in time. you need to regain your trust with him. try and stop looking on the net and through his phone. just try and trust him. give him space. give it a couple of months, try again, and if you see texts of the same nature than you know hes not going to change, and leave, youve given him a chance after all. but from the sounds of it, hes sorry for what hes done, so just enjoy, and take your time. after bad relationships its easy to fall head of heels when someone good comes along, so just take your time. hope this helps. Angel.x.x
A
female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (7 December 2005):
 Well, for one, you can't have a relationship without trust. It would never work. If you don't trust him there's no chance for happiness. It sounds like he's very committed to you and you should be lucky to have such a guy. I think the texting women to find out if you're the one is a lil' bs, but as long as he quit and realized there no need for that, then you should be good.
Honey you have to start trusting him sooner or later or your relationship will definitely not last. It seems like you two want to be together, maybe it will just take time for you to trust him knowing that he was texting others before. This feeling should pass and you guys should be good afterwards.
Don't you think after not finding anything for awhile while snooping, it will get boring and you'll beable to nothing but trust him? I'm sure this will happen. But if he finds out that you are still snooping around and he knows he's not doing anything and you're not trusting him, he may get fed up with it and leave. Just be careful if you want this to work out. Trust sometimes just takes time.
Good Luck!
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