A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so i love this guy i have been with for two years. We have been pretty serious, and I really love him, but things are just so hard. He said he hates my family, and i'm not sure how to take that, because family is very important to me, and he is really close with his family. I know my family can be hard on people but i didn't think they were that bad. Now he has rephrased that to mean he doesn't like some people in my family, but he never wants to go to family events. How do I deal with this? I wish i didn't love him, or that he would just break up with me so I don't feel the pressure to try and make things work. I do believe that things will change and he can be around my immeidate family who loves him a lot. I just want some help because i'm not sure what I should do. Love sucks right now. I'm still really happy for the most part when i'm with him. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): I was in exactly the same position as you two years ago. I hope your partner comes around but I've been with my partner for 4 years now and he still hates my family and refuses to go to family events with me e.g. Christmas celebrations. Although I love my partner I also love my family and our relationship is suffering now because I am disappointed that he can't accept the olive branch when he is invited to family events or for example go to my graduation when my parents will also be there. This is like a constant black cloud that creeps into my life and makes me sad. I regret missing out on seeing my family as much as I'd like. I hope you can make him accept them but it probably won't just happen in time, speaking from my experience.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 November 2007):
 This is a definite sign of future problems I'm afraid. You will constantly be straddling the fence either defending him or defending your family. He may also start demanding you don't attend family events as well. You guys have to discuss this fully and lay some unbreakable ground rules.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): thank you for the advise, there is some reasons for him not getting along with my family. He likes to argue kind of unimportant points and my family also like to argue, but they take things too far. Also he thinks that they hold everything over his head, like they count the times they have helped him out. But they really do love him and they would do anything for him. Their personalities just don't get along.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Hi
Things are going to get better. My bf has a hard time being around people (he is reserved).When we first started going out he never wanted to be around my immediate family. He wanted to be away from them. but as time has gone by he has changed. He has got to known my family and they get on. He now speaks to everyone and they are all ok with him. Things are much more comfortable. Just speak to him and explain how important your family is to and if he loves you enough he would come around. My bf knows that i loves him and my family and when he assoiciates with my family he knows that it makes me happy.Give them some time.
PS Is there any reason he feels this way for your family?
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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A
female
reader, Temper212 +, writes (6 November 2007):
you certainly can't force a person to like other people.
Try to talk to him about going to family events as something that would be important to you, but make sure to respect his feelings. Don't force it.
Family is very important to me as well, but the fact of the matter is that not every person will get along with everyone else. It's possible that their personality types just clash, and that should not be a reflection on the relationship itself.
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