A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:this may sound stupid and may sound as if im taking my boyfriend for granted.ive been with my boyfriend for two and a half years im 20 and hes 18 initially the age caused a few problems between us but we worked through all the problems that arose. we started getting into a serious intimate relationship nearly a year ago and even though ive loved every moment of intimacy ive spent with him i have certain stupid doubts. because he was my first boyfriend ive never had any physical relationship with any other guy apart from him, whereas hes had a few gfs before me and has been intimate with them. i have these thoughts were i want to experiment and i want to know how it would feel like to be with another guy, and recently ive found myself eyeing up other men and commenting on how 'fit' they are etc.i feel extremely guilty because bless him hes been so good to me, he loves me deeply and respects me so much and keeps me really happy...i want to be a one man only woman and i do love and care for him alot ive planned my whole future with him...so why am i having these thoughts??? its really doing my head in i feel as if im betraying his trust.help!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tiavancouver  +, writes (28 November 2008):
You are young, I think this is normal. I understand the love part, and I understand the wondering what it would be like to be with someone else. I had the reverse scenario. I was in a relationship with a guy who was a few years younger than I was (back in my 20's) who was a virgin when we got together. I had only been with 2 people, and 1 of those for 2.5 years. After 2 years together he wanted to go and see what things were like out there. He was a good looking guy, girls were hitting on him all the time - a hockey player, why would he be with one person? My mentality was a bit different I guess. I love one person and want to be with them, love them, have sex with only them, no desire for anyone else IF I am getting my needs met by them. BUT I already had another, so who was I to say anything. Years later he told me that it was a really lonely way of being, the bars meeting people and then going home with them to actually NOT sleep with them because that was not who he really was. He thought he could, but he couldn't. I am not saying that is what you would do, just thought I would share that part.I don't think you should feel guilty for having thoughts. Do you not think that guys have thoughts have sex every god knows how many seconds? Trust me they don't feel guilty for that! You are having these thoughts, because it is natural to have these thoughts if you have never been with anyone else, and you wonder what it is like with others. Now you mentioned that you are eyeing other men and commenting on how "fit" they are etc. Is that something that you like in a guy and your guy is not? The reason I ask, is because many of us have this so called list of things that we would technically like in our ideal man. Sometimes we end up with someone and they are far from that ideal and we start to justify things away or we tend to settle. It is when we have settled that we start to question things. You can love someone that you have settled for, but that list, that damn list - is he out there, is he out there? Just a question I had for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): It's natural to fancy someone else now and then, the important thing is you don't act on it because sex in a good loving relationship, which you have, is the ideal, and sex on its own is a bit empty.Wishing you a happy future. Don't go with one after another, it only brings heartbreak in the end. You haven't betrayed him and he possibly looks at other girls but does nothing about it either.
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