A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I am graduate student.I have a friend whom i met in my school. he is a very good guy. Funny at times,and very intelligent.We were schoolmates and we grew closer as time went by and now, he is my best friend.But sometimes I am really unsure if he feels the same way about me. I am the only girl he talks to(presently..and we talk a lot..like for hours..everyday). Its been 8years now and i share almost everything with him.And now, I think i m in love with him.He talks to me daily..and whenever i feel its time to confess my feelings for him..he tells me certain things that give me a reality check..(that he is the same with other girls also..i am not his only friend..)I sometimes feel i am not that important to him.But, sometimes he flirts.He tells me i am one of the best things that happened to him. But he is never serious about things. Once he even proposed me to marry him just because no other girl would ever marry him. He stays in a different state.He comes all the way to my place just to spend time with me.But at the same time..if I don't message him on one day, just to check if he really loves talking to me..then i m always disappointed..He never messages me..But the minute I message him, He always replies..If i start flirting with him, just to give him a hint, He suddenly clears out things that I am just his friend and nothing more(basically..he freaks out!).One day i gathered all my courage and told him that I love someone..he asked me about the guy.I dint tell him..He said he knows that i would tell him openly if it is him..(we are past all evasiveness..)..But i still dint tell him.What should I do?Should i tell him I love him? Or should I wait for him to realize that?I am afraid that i might end-up messing our relation and I really can't afford losing him. He means a lot to me.Please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2014): He is only your best friend. He will not concede that he is in-love with you; because he is not attracted to you in a romantic way.
You are frustrating yourself trying to make him confess he loves you; but he won't do it. He doesn't love you the way you want him to.
You need to see other guys. Find what you want and deserve somewhere else. Stop going around in circles with a guy who loves you like a sister.
You're afraid to venture out and see other men; because you don't want to face possible rejection from a stranger.
Maybe you can't overcome your underlying shyness. That
requires you to deal with men you don't know. Venture into uncharted territory and compete with other women.
It is time to grow-up.
You're struggling. Trying to force him to have feelings for you he doesn't have. It doesn't mean you're nothing to him, he doesn't want you as a girlfriend. If he was attracted to you, it wouldn't be so much work.
You're going to have to make yourself available to other single men, and take your chances on love. Like other adult females. No fishing in a barrel, or easy pickings. A man in the hand, is not worth two in a bush. Not if he sees you like a sister!
It might be hard just getting someone's attention, or you may feel too shy. Well, you're getting nowhere with your friend. Being in-love with him doesn't mean he has to reciprocate your feelings. That's something you have to come to terms with.
It is time to give-up and show interest in other men. You twist his compliments when he tells you how important you are to him. You want him to mean he wants you for a girlfriend. He means you're like a sister. He doesn't really flirt, you see what you want to see.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 September 2014):
 He might just see you as an intellectual friend and might not be that to you. Ther's no way to 'make' him fall for you, you may ave to be satisfied with the status quo. Sometimes life serves up a meatball instead of a cherry.
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