A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There is something I do not like about my boyfriend's behaviour. He spends much of his free time visting family and friends, especially one friend whom he calls brother. My parents were the first ones to get married among their friends, and I was born one year later, while most of the friends were still unmarried or married with no children. Every Ssaturday and Sunday afternoon was spent receiving guests at home. Both by parents (in their mid-twenties) and I got really tired, to the point that we would hide the car and switch the lights off to make them believe we were not home. We would neer get quality time, just the three of us.Now back to my relationship - my boyfriend and I live in different cities. When he was visiting me, he was always trying to make me visit his family and local friends, and when he is in his hometown it's more than 70% of the days that he goes to visit some friend, and stays there from maybe 6 pm to 1 or 2 am. Said friends have a family of their own, I am wondering if their kids feel like I did back then when my parents always had guests at home...Sometimes it feels like my boyfriend does not have any dreams of his own, not living his own life - but living someone else's life. He texts me "the kids are going to bed", or gets angry and leaves when he sees another visitor repeatedly, and reminds me that after all, his best friend is someone else. I think that is so juvenile...He thinks I am lonely because I don't have such close relationship with anyone. I do have friends, many friends indeed, but they respect my privacy. He suggested I could make friends with his friends's wives. Maybe because he does not work every day, he does not understand how I feel. I love staying home after a hard week at work, and just doing anything: playing music, drawing, surfing the net, learning something new...I love him but I'm starting to feel resentful.
View related questions:
at work, best friend, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess you are right. I am only interested in my close family and starting a family of my own, while he is more interested in his childhood friends and distant relatives.
What makes me angry is that he spends so much energy cultivating his circle of friends, but is so lazy to build his own future. He has lots of time since 60% of the days he feels too sick to go to work. Sometimes he feels sick due to spending several days in bed without eating or bathing. So he has plenty of free time...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2015): It seems you both have different family-values, and you're incompatible. When your partner's habits and ways start to annoy you, that's a clear indication.
"Resentment" is a harsh emotion to direct toward someone you're supposed to be in-love with. Your reasoning for it is even more disconcerting. He's into his friends and family-oriented; and you prefer a more private life-style. He's not likely to change, and your resentment is due to the fact you don't plan to either.
All your family had to do was inform their friends to call before visiting. Let them know when you didn't feel like entertaining, when you had other plans; or just planning to spend quiet family-time together. People can't assume they're welcome to drop by and impose at anytime. There was a tactful and honest way to handle it. Hiding makes no sense.
Sounds like you and your boyfriend have a good reason to go your separate-ways; rather than feeling resentment, because you want to change him.
...............................
|
