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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm having a really tough time at the moment with my girlfriend, family, and life in general at the moment. To start off with, I've been disrupting my family for the sake of my relationship but not getting anything in return to stay for from the actual relationship, or so it seems. There has been a lot of tension between me and my girlfriend for a couple of months now. I have tried to be the most understanding/caring boyfriend on my "gap year" in which I was deciding on what I want to do for my career. But it has really affected her because I don't have a real job. I have been for interviews and I have been rejected by people left right and center. It's gotten too much for her. I've said to her that things will change and I will do what I want to do. It's just taking a lot longer than I expected. But she's saying that I'm not working hard enough. But I am working my socks off and not getting anywhere fast. I've had my car stolen at the beginning of the year so I can't see her that often, and that has put pressure on our relationship as well. Another problem is, I've been so understanding when she's kissed other men, and done other thinsg with them, but she see's that I'm not a threat to her and really doesn't care if it affects me or not. It's happened 3 or 4 times in the past year, but I always forgive her, because I love her and trust that it won't happen again because she has been drunk most of the time. She no longer wants to drink because of this. I have said to her that if it happens again, then that is it because I can't keep being hurt like this because it takes a lot for me to get comfortable again, and let myself be happy. I don't like being unhappy with her so I try and make it as unpainful as possible by sucking it up and moving on. And now she feels that she's got a cushy relationship that she can get away with anything. She loves winding me up to "test" how i'd react, like saying that she's been with someone and waiting for me to say "it's over, i don't want to be with you anymore." But I can't say that if I can see that it's not true. I just get angry at her, and then she keeps on teasing me until I start getting really angry which inturn scares her. But she can't stop it... I don't want to get like that, but she doesn't stop at all, she drives me crazy, but I love her. So deeply that I asked her to marry me. A couple of months ago... when things were really good. Things still are, there's just a sudden mood swing and everythings wrong and all these other feelings and rubbish keep crawling back in. We talked to each other properly the other night about getting out of a rut that we were stuck in, and how we kept annoying each other and the power difference and what we could do to change for the better. But as of an hour ago, nothing seems to have changed. Might be because of variables in the month.. and that's not being funny or anything... just she's quite extreme at points. We're either at each other or madly in love. And I know which one i prefer each time. Seriously, I have never found someone that I love so much, but drives me absolutely crazy at the same time... Am I a fool for carrying this on? We always manage to get back together in the end, and everythings fine until something else happens and it's like the end of the world for both of us... it's crazy... Any advice or comments are welcome, I feel like I'm doing the right thing, this is much deeper than I've made out... there's a lot of reasons why this is happening, but I don't want to keep babbling on about this.
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female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (15 January 2006):
i sense you are both growing up and away from each other as individuals. if she is driving you nuts then its time to call it a day. She isnt going to change or conform to your ideals of the perfect woman so let her go and look around for someone you will will be on your own intellectual level.
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