A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There are a few points about my relationship that would help you understand my position.- i've known this girl since my 6th grade. we had a mutual crush when we were in 8th and then we just drifted apart but we maintained contacts.- when i entered college and came off to a different country to study, i started meeting her often when i went home for vacations.- we became committed sometime at the end of my first year and decided to try out a long distance relationship.- we've had a few ups and down. downs mostly becuase of me becuase i never used to spend enough time with her online. and ups becuase of the little webcam both of us had.- we have a healthy sexual relationship when i do go back home for vacation. a little in excess i would say.- lately, ive been feeling totally lost, i am totally in love with her. she tells me the same too but i dont know if its true. i really cant stop thinking about her. i miss her a lot. and i wonder most of the time if she misses me at all.- we chat online everyday. either we start quarreling over something and end up in a crappy mood. or we get totally sexed up and end up with no clothes.- we are totally different in every aspect. im the kind of geeky, kind of mischievous, very reserved introvert. she, on the other hand is not-geeky, total extrovert. we seem to disagree on everything. For starters, i LOVE gaming and am totally addicted to world of warcraft, she hates them.- but we imagine that everything is going to be alright after marriage, yes we have talked about marriage. and at this moment, i really want to marry her badly even though its quite some time away and i dont know how my mother would react considering im from a very conservative society.- the problem is, everytime we fight, i end up begging for forgiveness, my fault or not. becuase i badly want this to work. and she has so much ego that she never wants to apologise.- incase i do end up marrying her, i know its not going to end well since we seem to disagree on EVERYTHING. and when we get bored of sex a few months into marriage, we are going to have major problems. so, basically i dont want to marry her. but there isnt a moment i havent thought about it. i really want it to happen. im just too scared for both of us.- there are a few things that i am concerned about, about her. her extrovertedness (if thats the word) she's too open. she drinks, which im fine with, and now she wants to try drugs. its her friends. bad company. period. ill be devastated if she does do it. i know its her life. but then, i think of her as my own. she doesnt realise that at times.- so, i am basically scared that our differences would get our relationship into deep trouble. which i cant stand to see. its like, i cant think of a life without her.- she has major ego. she's also the sweetest, most awesomest girl ive ever known. there's nothing i enjoy more in this world than her company.- i cant break up with her now, becuase i would just die of depression if that ever happens and my life's going to be hell if i do end up marrying her. we're going to have difference, (i hope im wrong), we're so different. we disagree with everthing, but then we come to a conclusion somehow. sometimes, i think its just the sex. i really dont know.btw, im in third year of college. and we plan to marry in another 3 years.i cant sleep properly, i cant stop thinking about her. she's always on my mind. and im sure she doesnt think of me so much. i wish she did though.she's my life.i dont know what to do. this is so much torture. i cant stop thinking about her. and the more i think about her, more of the future comes into picture and i get depressed.i am not too sure if we can even take it until marriage because the way we fight, i am scared that we're going to break up after every little fight. but we've survived. i really wont be able to take a break up with her. i'm so totally in love with her now that i would even kill for her. but then again. the future. scary. need help!
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a break, crush, depressed, drugs, her ex, long distance, period, world of warcraft Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ginboy  +, writes (10 December 2009):
Dear Boy, how old are you, I have to wonder. You say third year college so I'm guessing early 20s. Forgive me for saying so, but your relationship sounds more like an infatuation than love. I understand what it's like to be somewhat trapped by someone you are so much in awe of. You want to be the way they are,they possess qualities you do not, and you cling to them for it. It's not shamefull. It's human. I have been in a relationship for 3 years now, almost one married. We fight so often it's almost daily we come so close to breaking up. Please, do yourself a solid favour and leave her. You are wasting your life giving all of yourself to someone who obviously doesnt want to give it back to you. When people are too different sometimes you just try so hard to make it fit, it breaks in the process. Like trying to stick a round peg in a square hole. When you hang on too long, it becomes irrepairable and you just end up hating eachother, and trust me you don't want that to happen. I know you don't know me from anyone, but trust me. Be who you are, and find someone who loves you for you, not what they want you to be. Dont marry this girl. You will divorce in lless than a year I guarantee it, if you don't get her pregnant first. Be wary my friend. Do what's good for you. Not your dick.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much guys. It really did help. Not that i'm going to do anything significant about my relationship as of now. I'm just going to sit back and let time take me. Just hope we stay together enough to start talking about marriage seriously and pray to god things work out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008): RELAX DUDE!! Take stock and enjoy the moment.. STOP stressing about things that are out of your control... Everyone loves the 3year plan, but unfortuantley it doesn't always work out that way.. RELAX AND ENJOY THE PRESENT MOMENT!
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A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (3 October 2008):
 To me, you sound confused. Your emotions are all over the map. You want to marry her, but you think it won't work. You hate her ego, but you love her, etc. etc. etc.
There is no "but" in love. If you're saying, "I love her, but..." then maybe you should re-evaluate the relationship. If it can't be "I love her" plain and simple, then you're not ready for marriage. Marriage will come when you have accepted her flaws and she has accepted yours, and neither one of you cares about hardships, you just both want to be together.
A healthy sex life is a good thing. But too much of a good thing turns into a bad thing. I'm not going to advise you on how much sex is too much because it varies with every couple. Do it enough to keep yourselves satisfied, but not in excess.
Things will work out. Either you'll stay together and be happy or you'll break up. I know it seems unfathomable to deal with right now, but if God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it. Always remember that. I'm here for you.
masq
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A
female
reader, Misguided +, writes (2 October 2008):
Wow! Sweetie are you ever in a dillema...the whol can' live with her, can't live without her. But from the sounds of things my dear, you are more into this relationship than she is. Ask yourself where you see yourself in 5 years, then ask her the same question. If your answers don't mesh, then I think you need to re-evaluate. You can't make someone else happy, if your not happy yoursef, right? So how could you make her happy the rest of your life in a marrage, if you are miserable...head over heals in love, but miserable none the less. Whether or not you stand a chance depends on how much you are willing to sacrifice to spend your life with this girl.
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