A
male
age
51-59,
*ot so sure
writes:So I meet this lady online in late Oct. 2011,we meet for diner I texted a few times after but no instrest. So i emailed her and said guess there was no chemistry nice to meet you good luck. She emailed back we can be friends with her number again. I did't text back but that weekend she texted me to meet for a quick bite and movies I went. We have been hanging out 3 times or more every week now and we text or talk on the phone everyday, but she tells me only friends, I have told her I like her and want a future with her. We have both been hurt in the past and both of us are not sure what we want in the future. But I do know I want a chance at more than friendship, I think I may be falling in Love with her. I'm 43 and she is 40.
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male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (1 January 2012):
 Hello,
Yes, the advice below from Frank is what you need.
From personal experience, don't invest massive energy into a friends thing in the hope of something more. It really does deag you down and down and down.
Perhaps her previous hurt stops her from getting into a relationship right now. But, then that is not what you want. You are looking for a relationship right now so she is most likely unavailable emotionally.
Thanks, Tom.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 January 2012):
 She's "telling" you - pretty clearly - that you don't have a chance for "love" with her..... Sooooo... decide if you want to be disappointed now, or later... and make your selection (of contact with her) on that basis...
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (1 January 2012):
 First, if you are just friends, do not be hanging out with her so much. You are too available.
If you want to demonstrate that you are an attractive male, then you need to date other women. When she sees that other women are romantically interested in you, she might want to give you another chance.
There is no value in being friends with someone that you are in love with. Long term, it will be emotionally damaging to you.
This is a link to an article I wrote about: From Friends To Lovers. It is a summary from my book with the same title.
http://www.myvirtualpaper.com/doc/West-end-Times/17.16westendtimes/2011121601/#8
-Frank Kermit
author, From Friends To Lovers: Stop Being Her Emotional Cookie Man
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