A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have strange sexual tastes which my girlfriend of almost 7 years fulfills. (I'm 70%-30% roughly bi to the straight side and I like to cross dress and satisfy guys sometimes). Problem is my girlfriend is married and has kids (26 and 28). She's coming up to 46 and is 17 years my senior. She doesn't mother me, quite the opposite I look after and pamper her most of the time when we see each other. I earn far more than she does though she never asks for money. I’ve taken her on holiday to some nice places over the years and we’ve had a great deal of fun together. She’s one of those people who will have 999 attendees at her funeral. Always has time for people and their issues even if taking on those issues and caring adversely affects her own psychological well being or happiness. I could learn a lot from her in that regard.Both her kids moved out some time ago, her husband has no libido towards her because she’s very, very, much bigger than she was when they got married almost 28 years ago and judging by his computer he pretty much exclusively goes for ultra skinny women. They sleep separately and although the fact he’s gone off her sexually must hurt her they do seem to get along fairly well with each other and as far as I can tell seem to find most joy in sharing quiz shows on TV. She spends 4-5 nights at my flat per week on average and the rest going out with her friends or just being at home sleeping in a separate bed to her husband. Her husband and I are on speaking terms and frankly he's quite a nice guy he runs his own food outlet and it consumes almost all of his time. He thinks I am her "gay best friend" which I guess you could argue isn’t totally inaccurate. My girlfriend found her sexuality again about 8-9 years ago. She is kind of a fag-hag I guess you’d call it. She likes to see guys together but doesn’t really go much for the cross dressing although she humors me because she knows I like it and she has bought me clothes and shoes for birthday and x-mas over the years. We have as much sex with each other as any other 6-7 year old couples do I’d guess?I’m not too much of a going out person. I like to play video games or watch a movie or something quiet rather than going out all the time. I have no real-life friends to speak of and I’ve never tended to make friends easily. Mostly my own doing to be fair. Turned into a bit of a recluse about 10 years ago due to none-clinical but I’m mostly certain drug-induced paranoia from my teen years. Said paranoia has 95% gone but the longer you spend enjoying your own company the harder it is to get back out there. I’ve never been great in social situations though. There is every possibility I am just a coward. I am a self employed one man band so chances of meeting new friends or love interests through work are slim to none. The girlfriend likes to go out a bit with some of her many friends so seeing me 4-5 nights a week is usually her down time when she recuperates from seeing her friends etc so it works out well. There’s the background as simply and honestly as I can state it so now the problem and dilemma.I feel like I am wasting my life.I want kids. I want a wife. I want a proper family and shit I want a mortgage and a car on hire purchase. I want some full on miniature people running around the place I can spoil to death. I want to go out to work and earn the bread and come home to a house full of kids shouting daddy! daddy! I have a little tear right now. She has 2 grown up kids and does not want anymore. I’ve suggested we could adopt but she doesn’t want to. She never said she’d leave her husband at the start and to this day has never claimed she would.Problem is I love her, she’s just so familiar and we’ve shared so much over the years. We know each other well and we talk like old friends and we almost never argue. I’m not kidding myself and I feel after almost 7 years I can honestly say if I’d met her 20 years earlier and been born 20 years earlier we’d more than likely be happily married and with kids right now. We just get along that well. But now and again like at this moment something just nags like I’m 29 and relationship wise I’ve been stagnant for almost 7 years and my time is ticking away. Increasingly I look from afar at old distant friends on facebook getting married and having kids and doing up their houses together and I want it. I think I deserve it I’m not a bad person. I worry though that I’m too boring with staying in so much and not going out. I worry that most women would be freaked out by the cross dressing and the ~30% tilt to the gayer side of life. How anyone male or female cannot find Hayden Panettiere and Alexander Skarsgård fit at the same time is way beyond me, I guess bisexuality is a blessing and a curse. Each to their own though of course.I know what I must do. I know I must grow a pair and leave. As ultra painful as it will be. Does anyone have any experience of leaving a similar relationship? Where you’re ultra happy 99% of the time and fully in love with the other person and pretty certain they are too but there’s something nagging at you like you should have left years and years ago and possibly should never have let it got this far?Any advice from anyone would be great. This is the first time I’ve articulated the full picture to anyone with such honesty. There is no one in my life I can talk to and be 100% honest with. Thank you.T
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best friend, facebook, libido, money, moved out, on holiday, video games Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): I left her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2011): Thanks for the reply.
I think you're right and I've just been weak. It's hard though to up and leave when I still love her. and it makes me sick just thinking about it.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (6 April 2011):
 you like her but its going nowhere. she's done the whole parenting thing, likes her husband and doesn't want any of the life goals that you need your partner to want in order to get them.
break up, cope with not seeing her all the time, get a hobby and get out of the house as part of a social activity like singing or sports clubs.
make your life happen. its up to you
while you are with her no-one else will be interested, your already a bit on the side, no self respecting woman wil put up with being the bit on the side of a bit on the side.
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