A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hey all, just some advice...I'm a single 38 year old male that is in love with my female best friend, that is married. nine years ago her and I met and it was a moment in time I will never forget. I could see that she could see right through me and we just hit it off from that day forward. due to work, marriage, etc, we see each other at least once a week, but email and text all the time. she is two years younger than me and told me she will not have kids with her husband due to his anger issues. I also know her husband, but only through her. him and I are not friends and do not converse or hang out. In nine years I have "never" seen any affection between the two..I mean NEVER.. whenever her and I would hangout saying good bye was great because I would get a full body hug from her. We have never crossed any physical lines with one another, but we each have this unspoken feeling for the other. she knows I care for her and I know she cares for me. On a recent birthday she went above and beyond which blew my mind. I help her study and help with her papers, takes me to dinner...it's never one sided. I've loved this woman since the day I met her and I hate seeing her leave. out of respect for her I will not make a pass at her. she is faithful and I won't play with that. I've seen/heard her husband belittle her in public and treat her like dirt. she has threatened to leave several times, but is scared to be on her own. I want to be there for her, but I want her to leave him for her own reasons...not for me, if that makes sense. I've never loved a woman like I love her..I know when she is about to call, I can make her call me if I think about her...we just spent 6 hours studying for a test of hers. anytime her husband goes out of town she calls me, every day off she has she calls me...she brings me paint, pictures, ideas, floor rugs, etc...to put in my house. I'm not sure there's a question in there....but has anyone been in that situation before? I almost want to make it clear and try or just walk away. She told me she still loves her husband, but they don't get along and she won't have kids with him. I ask...then why are you together??... this woman is amazing and that is no exaggeration..she will make a wonderful mother..ahhhhhh...HELP!!!!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): original poster here...
Thank you for the kind reply, I expected to get yelled at or scolded in some way. I never want to be the reason someone ends a relationship and if she does leave him she will need to live on her own for a while, but I'll always be there for her and she knows that. I wouldn't want her to just leave him and come to me. she has to live her own life and if she feels I'm part of it then I'm there!
I guess I hate that she's in this relationship and won't have kids with him, but she LOVES children and I know she wants one. She is going to waste in this relationship in my opinion. I hate seeing a wonderful woman just go to waste..sorry if that sounds offensive.
the other night I helped her with some work and her husband called. her and I were about 2 feet away and I could hear him in the phone clearly..she told him that he was unclear and nothing but static and to call her later. I could hear him just fine. She does things like that all the time when he calls.
I'm trying to understand why someone feels that way about a spouse yet continues to live with them???
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): Youre approach my friend to this woman is rather refreshing, respectful, and very meaningful and speaks good of your character.
You clearly respect the relationship she has with her husband and have not pushed her to end things.
This woman needs to make a decision. None of this is on you. I think youve played quite a role here. Its good you dont want her to end things cause of you and you want her to end things cause she feels its best for herself. The guy (husband) sounds like a not so good fella which does def warrant one to re evaluate the relationship. I think you just need to be more patient and she will eventually break things off, now just isnt the right time. Keep maintaining who you are and what youre doing and things will hopefully naturally fall in place.
However, please do consider that if she ends things with her current husband she may need time for closure, grievance, and recovery and may not want to jump in right away with you. Youve been a real good friend here and I think because of your approach, things could be positive here in both of you finding happiness. Best to you.
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