A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:This week has been so very tough and my story is long one but i shall try and be brief.I meet a girl when i was 18 and it was love at first sight but she was with her childhood love, this eventually ended and we got together when about 24. It was very off on and on, more off then on as we both had issue to deal with. It ended with her breaking my heart and going off with my brother. This did not last long, but the pain made me hate her so much that i made me ill. Eventually i made my piece with her if only to be civil as we were still in same social group. There was always that soul mate thing going on with us but i was still hurting to much to ever go back. Eventually i lost contact and did see her for 10 years, that was until 2 months ago when we meet at reunion party.The magic was still there, she told she had been thinking of seeing me again for last 2 years and i decided to take risk as i knew i still loved her, she always makes me feel so good.The last two months have been intense and a roller coaster of emotions as i slowly allowed myself to fall back in love with her. Things seemed to be going so well, though she was not wanting rush things and was slow to let me into her life, talking but never meeting her friends and family.Then end of last week i sensed she was becoming a little distant, she canceled date on sunday, monday i ask if everything is ok and am told 'ok yes right no, something is missing?'This from a women who had declared her love me, that we are soul mates and wanted to grow old with me. She is not the type of woman to just say these things without meaning them.Trouble is there is a pattern, this pulling away from me when she starts getting close is what happened 20 odd years ago?I have sent her letters explaining how i feel and she going to reply in next few days, but i feel i already know the answer and i will not like it.I don't hate her for this as i knew the risks when seeing her again, but if you planned to really hurt someone and wanted to be cruel to them you could not have done any better then what she doing to me now.I know i should walk but she really is the only woman i have ever really loved, she just makes feel whole!Life can really suck sometimes
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, well the letter finally came, bloody postal strikes.
All my opinions about what her issues are were correct but i missed the ohh so important one which was the 'something is missing'.
She says that she loves me and always will, and we are soul mates but the physical chemistry is missing for her! man that hurts more than anything :(
Should i have known and seen this, well yes i should and did but did not want to face it. I put it down to her being a bit shy in bedroom and although sex was good i also felt that it was not as intense as it had been with other women but it was something i could work though and it did not matter as i loved her.
Seems for her that it is very important and there is nothing i can do, such a waste that a love is lost because the physical thing is 80% and 100%
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): hello my friend,
U did the right thing by addressing the issue straight away, whilst the conclusion is sad & not what u wanted, at least it gives u the chance to move on now?, and now u can unleash yourself on us ladies who r keen to meet a nice fella like yourself!!( seriuosly one step at a time!!)
All I would say is make sure u make a clear decision about how much friendly contact u have with her, u don't want to be the pick up man, who she calls in times of trouble!!
Let me know how u get on in the next few weeks, I will keep my fingers crossed for u x
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for reply, i could not wait for said letter and had a letter of my own to delivery, not a nasty letter just one about how i felt.
I was going to drop it off when she was out but could not as just needed to know where i stood without waiting days for letter, though history had taught me the answer anyway.
She would not let me in or talk to me and so asked her to give me an answer, which of course was no. I just handed over my letter and and walk away.
She sent me text 10 min letter telling me how sorry she was and that she did love me but it was just not right for her, and the letter will be with me Saturday.
Work that one out if can?
She has done me favour as i can lay to rest this story and some demons as there is nothing wrong with me.
I don't hate her, in fact a part of me will always love her but it is time to move on, in fact i may feel a little sorry for her and really do hope she can conqueror her demons and find some happiness.
Me if find a woman who makes feel half as good as she did i will still die a happy man, and she can have the special part of my heart.
Better t have loved and lost then never loved at all, though some more loving will be nice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): hi again
I just wanted to say aka rose tinted glasses for 20 years?? Yes it happens!!
My first love whom I was with at 18 for 18 months, he never ever left my mind for 15 years, I then saw him & went out for a drink with him, I realised I had had a romantic unrealistic view him, classicly remembering all his good traits & non of the bad...but worstly measure all my partners against him, and as u can guess my relationships never went far cause of his ever present ghost!! When I finally kicked myself up the bottom, my life & relatio ships changed... I truly wish u good luck friend, u sound like a top bloke & as I said b4 someone more worthy of u & ur love is out there waiting for you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello and thanks for answer, you may have point and twenty years ago i would have said you was right and i did walk.
Would rose tinted glasses last for twenty years?
I once put her that pedestal but not now, i know she flawed as we all are.
I have thought she in love with the idea of me, but the reality not.
But as i have already told her in think it her first love and father of child that is still stuck in head, he is dead now but she left him before he died due to him being a junky.
She has never dealt with her feeling and how he let her down big time, when with me his memories become a block to her moving forward.
I met her 30 years and no matter how long or short the break or who we have been or are with, there has always been this connection, i wish there was not it would make life so much easier.
But your advice on walking away is something i that may well have to do for my own sanity, i can't deal with her demons only she can.
I will get the letter from her by monday and will see what she has to say.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): oh dear?? I think what has happened here is she has been wearing her rose tinted glasses too much??
Right firstly us women in our lives seem to kiss more frogs than princes?? So when we do meet a nice guy we" will"ourselfs to like them as much as they like us?? But sadly if the Feelings & connections aren't strong u just can't fake It for too long? My guess is she never met a guy who loved or treated get as well as U did/ do? U were always the plan b, but the brutal truth is you aren't soulmates, u r just 2. People who haven't net the right person yet? & I think that all the time u put her on pederstal & almost worship her u r stopping yourself from meeting the one?? I mean come on MR does the "one" sleep with your brother, soulmates couldn't even look at another man lee alone sleep with one?? Do ur self a favour move on & let a nice deserving lady have you!!!
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