A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in love with my best friend, same old sorry haha. She is is in a 3 year long distance relationship, that is rocky to say the least.I finally told her one night "your my best friend but i want more than that, you dont feel the same way so we can be friends." She started crying saying she didnt want it to end like this, but all i could do was give her a hug and leave.Over the next 2 day she kept trying to persuade me to come talk to her about the situation, saying that she did not want to lose our freindship. i refused at frist because i felt that it was very clearly a bad idea but eventually decided what to do. I drove to her house knocked on the door and the moment she opened the door i kissed her, i kissed her like it was a sitcom and the audience had been waiting all season and she didn't pull away. When it sadly ended I looked at her and said "this is the only way i can be with you, anything less hurts to much," she said she was sorry that she didnt know what to do. i tried to kiss her again but she turned away, i said i was sorry and i left.Since then she has tried to make contact with me, but i have been desperatly trying to avoid her. Yesterday she texted me "i know you dont want to talk to me or even acknowledge that i am alive...but i really miss you....and i just thought you should know." I love her and i miss her, this sitution is destroying me, but i respect myself enough to not go back to being her friend with my tail btween my legs. What should i do. It is clear that she has some feelings for me, but im not going beg and im not going to try to persuade her to leave her boyfreind. Its a delicate situation and i don't want to miss a chance. I just need as much perspective as i can get on the situation.Thx for takin the time to hear me out
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best friend, has a boyfriend, long distance, she has a boyfriend, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, \.HeartBroken./  +, writes (3 November 2009):
I have the exact same problem.
I hate it. Makes you want to die and destroys your life.
I have no advice though because I have the exact same. Dunno what to do. :\
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): You're great. You're really great.
Keep doing the same thing but stop thinking friendship last for life. It's not true...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the marine
im sorry about your situation, i dont really asociate marines with that kinda stuff haha. it conforting to know that you guys got feelings to. This girls man sounds like a tool, but i think your right in not tryingto break them up, if hes really not that great then shell probably ditch him eventually.
Dont wait around for that though, ive been there and it drove me crazy, if she feels like your waiting then shell feel like youll keep waiting. least that was my experience. your a devil dog not a lap dog ya know.
i feel like your right in thinking that theresno answers or advice to be found. watching a movie with her is probaly the best/worst feelin in the world, i rember dat shit. Keep your head down in kuwait, and when you get back who knows, you cant let fucked up pipe dreams run ya life but da future remains uncertain, thats what keeps me goin i guess.
im sure your sick of hearin it or seein it on car bumper stickers but, but thanks for dealin wth the worlds shittyness, i cant imaagine what a tour in kuwaits like, stay safe
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): I'm a 23 yr old male and here is my story. its sucks so bad because these two girls moved in next door and i found out that the one i like ended up liking me as well. Foolishly, I didn't ask her out and now she has a boyfriend;i told her how i felt too late. she said she likes me, she sometimes complains about her man(like i care about him)and i listen, her friends say they hate him but i feel theres nothing i can do. im a marine so i guess the confidence i have in myself makes me feel like im better then him but he is in the marine corps as well. i go over there and hang out with her every few days, not too much though, and i told her how i felt and i can't take the fact that i can't kiss her and express my love. i hold her alot and we watch movies and i can't help but fall for her. i want to work it out, but i leave for kuwait feb 23 2009. i know that if she didnt like me and that she was really happy with her boyfriend, then i wouldnt even be a thought in her head. i know she likes me and the worst is that i fell for her right at the time i'm about to leave home. the situation sucks and im not looking for answers, yet it feels good to get it off my chest and atleast tell people who are going through similar situations.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2008): Man, I feel you on this one, cause i'm going through the same exact thing, too. you're really do all the best u can really. The next step is to find out if her and the boy are having a trouble relationship. Cause if so, its only a matter of time. The real question is, do u really want to be with her if it means breaking her and her boyfriend up??? If no, better to just leave her alone all together. No record of her even existing in your life. Its best for you then to move on with both of your lives. If its yes, you know what you have to do.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (7 December 2008):
 It's ok...
I just wish and wish I could turn back time and undo my mistakes. I wish I'd never made them, but I learned from them and hope that my experience will spare someone else some anguish.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiono no, i meant to say "ill try not to be so cold"
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (6 December 2008):
I am sorry if I came across as cold but I assure you I didn't mean to be.
What I mean to say is, that friendships should be for life. It's painful to love a friend who is in a relationship, but a friendship can last for life :)
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female
reader, dlu1985 +, writes (6 December 2008):
I have been in your situation for the last 10 years with one of my good guy friends but I was the one always pulling away. He has always been a really good friend and he has stood by me through all kinds of crappy relationships hoping that one day I would be with him. We tried it once and it was to akward. Then recently when I was single we tried again and I was not physically attracted to him in a way that I could be more than his friend. We finally decided that we had to distance ourselves, but could still occasionally contact eachother if we needed eachothers support, but we both realized the toll it was taken on us both emotionally and it wasn't worth ruining our relationship or our relationships with other people. You have got to realize that all this time you are worrying about if she will come around, you may be pushing away someone that you could love just as much. It has been really hard to not have the close bond that we once had, but it has made things easier on a daily basis for both of us I think. I hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiontaken it to heart, i dont know if a freindship could work after this, even though i want it to. but try not to be so cold
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): Give it time. Let her work out things with her boyfriend. Sounds like she will probably break it off with him, but I think this is more likely to happen if you are strong and do not back down. If you go back, she might either think she can have the "best of both worlds," or it might slow down the breakup.
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A
female
reader, LoveTheBunnie +, writes (6 December 2008):
:) Ahh......Reminds me of....ME and a very good friend! Yes, i do love my friend, but i have a bf=). I learned to put up with it...sadly i cry every now n then about not being with Ray. But im happy with Kelvin:D. If i leave one for the other....i hurt me and Kelvin, i stay....no ones reallly hurt. Just tell her that she'll always be thought of in the way you do now, of course she has feeling for you but let her chose who she wants ta be with. Let her know that who ever she goes wit you'll be there to help and support her... So yea, talk to her=)
-Alice
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (6 December 2008):
Oh man, you have a soap opera on your hands.
I think that I can relate because I have been in a very similar situation and it sucks so much.
I fell for my best friend in college, but he is Mexican and I was in his country as an exchange student. I had to return to the States because my time as a student was up, he got in a relationship and
I felt conflicted because seeing him loving and being romantic with another girl made me crazy jealous, and insecure. I would oscillate between jealousy and guilt. I would wish with all my heart that I could just make a magic love potion that would make him fall in love with me, but sometimes guilt would set in and I felt ashamed of not being a loyal friend. He means the sun and moon to me, but I'm human, and I'm a little bit evil. Hey at least I'm not proud, I admit it. :)
I regret some of the things I said and did. I won't get into it, but in retrospect, I wish that I'd been a friend and put his happiness first.
Think of this girl as a bird. They were meant to fly free, but if they come back of their own accord then they're all yours, because they chose to be. I know the expression "If you love something, set it free," is cliche, but it's cliche for a reason. It's a terrible feeling to look back and realize that you hurt someone you love.
If you have your heart set on this girl, but she's in a relationship with this other guy, then it's best to either tell her how you feel, and accept her answer, or to wait.
Relationships come and go, but friendships are supposed to last for life. Most relationships don't. I wish with all my heart I had been a better friend to Marcelino, and I was a real witch to him. That is why you should take my advice, because I've learned through my mistakes, but I am wiser now.
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