A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 21 years old, dating a woman who is about 7-8 years older than me and let me say I do LOVE HER, but I am not ready for a committed relationship right now. I don't want to lose her because, she is the best woman I have ever had, in fact, she is the best person I have ever had the chance to meet in my 21 years of living. She is hot, she is sweet, she doesn't take any crap off me, but as far as I can remember, I have never had a long term successful relationship. I have never really wanted one...when I first start dating, I do so for sex only, but it seems the longer I have been around this woman, I have developed feelings for her. I enjoy my freedom, but at what expense though? I believe that if she decides to finally leave me, she is gone for good and I will never meet anyone like her again. At this point, I do believe she is the woman for me in the future and I want her to be by my side. As I said, I love her and I want her, I just don't want the responsbilites of a committed relationship...I never have, but tht is not to say that I don't want it in the future. I don't know why I am like this...I can tell you that I have never felt this way about any other woman I have been with or dated the way I feel about her and I know it's hard for her to believe based on my behavior for the months we have been dating...I know I lied for months in the beginning leding her her about wanting a realtionship, but I did that because, I didn't want to lose her, I wanted her in my life. I know I haven't put my all into the dating..it's like one part of me wants to change, but another part of me is too lazy to do so and doesn't want too. I like to drink to get drunk...I am aware that I have a problem with alchol...could that be the reason why I don't want to commit to any woman right now? I think about drinking all the time and if I didn't work, I would probably drink all day, everyday. There have been times where I have called off from work because, I knew I was going to drink myself crazy and wouldn't be able to get up for work the next day. Last year on my b-day, I got drunk for three straight days before finally going back to work. What should I do about the woman I love? I know she doesn't think I do based on the lies I have told and how I have treated her, but I honestly believe she is the woman for me but it's just that the time isn't right. My drinking, partying and sometimes wanting to have sex with other women get in my way. HELP...I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HER IF SHE LEAVES FOR GOOD MY LIFE WILL BE MISERABLE!! HELP ME TO HELP HER UNDERSTAND THAT I DO LOVE HER AND THAT SHE IS THE BEST WOMAN THAT EVER CAME INTO MY YOUNG LIFE. I don't know what I am going to do with my life if she leaves....I know I will probably drink more heavly and go on the rebound with some girl...........what is wrong with me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): Look, it's not everyday that people find true love and in most cases, when a person passes up on true love for something that's not even worth it, they don't find true love again. Yeah, they might find someone that they can have fun with, have great sex with, but that connection, that knowing that you are loved...those things will lack, which will most likely cause the relationship to go south. Now is the time for you to learn what true love is all about...a person is never too young or too old to fall in love or come in contact with love...despite what the stats say.
It's good that you are being honest, but please realize this, there is a price to pay for everything we do in this life, it may or may not be worth it, and the price maybe high or low. If you pass up on this love, the chances of you finding true love like that again is slim to none, but if you think having your freedom to have sex with whomever you want too, partying and drinking is more important, then you have to make that choice....just try not to regret it later and by all means don't try contacting her once you have discovered that the grass isn't greener on the other side.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (16 July 2010):
I will never understand why people say these things..."I love her, but I love everything else more". Hmmmm? You love to party, and you want someone to love your partying ways as much as you, so that you do not have to change you life style??
Everyone love to party, but there is a reason for a LAST CALL. The party must stop some time.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 July 2010):
Either stop partying, or lose her. That's your choice. You can't expect her to sit there waiting for you, and it would be unfair to when you know you're not ready. That's your choice. One has to go. There is nothing else to understand other than that. Partying and freedom, or this girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, MisguidingBoys +, writes (16 July 2010):
Let her go.
If you really love her let it go, walk away because the way you are right now all your leading her on will only hurt her in the long run. Maybe in a few years when you ready to change, ready to be the man she needs you could try again.
But now let her go while there still love, before it all turns to shit because thats the only way its heading.
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A
female
reader, oldromantic2010 +, writes (16 July 2010):
babe you are only 21 she is nearly 30 ready to settle down, you want different things. If it's really meant to be you will get back together in the future. You need to live your life right now, have experiences, travel meet different people. You will fall in love more than once young man but it's up tp you. Stop partying, drinking and having casual sex with other women and be with only her OR be young and care free and think about a committed rlationship later. Best of luck ;0)
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