A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Basically I'm in a situation and need some advice from someone outside it. My best friends think I should end it but I'm not sure. I met my girlfriend 12 months ago at work and instantly fell for her, we were soon dating and then she got let go at work due to cuts. We've carried on since but one part of our problem is she hates where I work because of it and resents the place which puts a strain on us.We've had our ups and downs but mostly I feel we are too different, I'm quite a take it as it comes type of person, don't schedule my weeks and I'm very laid back and like my own time and space. My gf is very emotional needy and clingy and needs me 24-7 which I can't handle it stresses me out a lot, how she wants to be with me all the time especially when I'm out with the guys or something blowing off steam. She doesn't have many friends and that doesn't help. She's moving about an hour away soon and although she keeps freaking out about it I'm quite glad as it'll give me more space. We've discussed moving in but I don't want too as I don't think we've been together long enough and we'd kill each other lol. I'd like to move in with friends first to get used to moving out alone. I love her and do want to be with her, she's so cute and has a big heart, but it can't handle her stressing me out by there cling was thing and work. I don't see us together long at this rate but worries about hurting her in that regard as I love her. I'm so confused which probably comes across in my writing I could just do with some advice please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): I respectfully disagree with CMMP about this. Unless you just don't like her anymore, there is no reason to go ending the relationship - yet.Sometimes a good relationship with a strong connection and chemistry can be strained by outside factors which aggravate insecurities. She has some insecurities but the big picture here is whether you love her, and like her, enough to deal with her insecurities. Believe me, she is just as frustrated with your emotional distance as you are with her emotional clinging.The bottom line is that the two of you need to sit and talk and, most importantly, listen to the other. She needs to know that her clinging to you is pushing you farther away, and you need to know that your refusing to recognize she has needs that are different from yours will eventually make her "give up" and find a connection elsewhere.If one or both of you don't care if the relationship ends, then yes, you should end it. But if both of you want to be together and you're just struggling with these issues that frustrate the good parts of an otherwise happy relationship, make it work. And the way to do that is for both of you to learn what makes the other tick and what ticks them off. Only then can she love you by giving you the space you need while you, in exchange, love her by giving her the emotional closeness she needs.
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (23 April 2014):
Let me tell you something that I've learned to accept and wish I knew it a long time ago: love is easy to come by, but compatibility is what really makes a great relationship.
You have little compatibility with this girl, hence the problems. If you want to be happy and enjoy your relationship you need to realize this and gently end things with her.
Do her a favor and tell her some of the reasons you're dumping her so she can work on her issues and become a better person in the long run. Be respectful!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014): Have you told her all of this? Whether you have or not, you should try, but write it down first so you know what to say without it coming out all jumbled and messy.
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