A
male
age
30-35,
*irgin89
writes:ok my gf is a virgin and has never really liked fooling around bc she thinks it makes her seen not pure and like a slut.. well she's wanting to now and last night she was a drunk but before she started drinking she asked me if i would have sex with her and that she wanted me to eat her out tonight.. i was a little surprised but i'm no virgin and i love sex so i did.. go down that is.. but i told her i would have sex with her but since we plan on getting married and wish for our first time to be special and not just like in the back of a car or something.. i've posted about this before but i'll say it again our family's don't agree with us together so we can't hang at either of our houses.. that's why i say not in the back of a car or my truck.. but we talked about like maybe when we go camping together or when she gets an appartment this summer we could but this morning she was very like "embarassed" of herself bc she was all over me and tried to get me to have sex with her last night while she was drunk and i didn't.. i love her and i want our first time to mean something bc i've been with the one nighters and the fuck buddy's and friends with benifits but i want this to be special bc i want to marry this girl.. we are getting married.. what should i do about the sex thing and she's not gonna just come out and say do me again so how do i go about having sex with her without seeming like i'm pushing it.. i love her and i want to have sex with her but i don't want to ruin our relationship by scaring her bc i'm pushing it.. what should i do?
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female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 I am convinced that nobody is honnestly ever ready, and there comes a point where you either do or you don't.
You do realise you are about the only people I have ever heard of that got so near, but didn't?! You certainly had the chance, any other guy would have.
If you both become comfortable with anything but, including fingering, there will be only a matter of time.
A
male
reader, virgin89 +, writes (13 May 2008):
virgin89 is verified as being by the original poster of the question yes mam i did that first thing.. in a nice way i said i'm sorry for seeming like i'm pushing this but you tell me you want it and your body wants it but when you're put on the spot to really tell me that's what you want you say nvm my body wants it but i want to stay a virgin..? could this get any more messed up lol.. i mean she teases me drunk and rubbed my cock on her vag and told me to fuck her but i knew she was drunk so i didn't.. then when i asked her sober if that's what she really wanted bc you talked about it before you even had your first drink she's says that.. and i'm like wtf! ugh.. but idk i hope waiting it out works.. thanks you've been a big help.. any pointers on maybe what to talk about or what to say to maybe speed this process up.. we've been together for a year and a half and i'm sorry but i was a sex addict before her.. now it's so hard to go without but i do it bc i love her and trust me i would never cheat.. ever.. been cheated on too many times.. but yeah any pointers anyone.. :) thanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): At this point, waiting this one out would probably be the best bet. On your defence, though, her telling you she will, and then taking it back is just playing with you, and it isnt fair for you. Make that perfectly clear while letting her know that you support her decision either way.
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A
male
reader, virgin89 +, writes (13 May 2008):
virgin89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell now she's telling me she doesn't want anything.. she's fine with what we're doing and she even said she's getting comfortable with the thought of giving me head.. should i just wait and not mention sex at all and see if she brings it up again?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Don't push her into anything or your just push her away. If she wants sex, plan something like going to a hotel or something, at your ages you should have money for this. Also tell her to stop zig zagging and just make a choice and keep it there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): Wow, I did'nt even catch that she was 20. It seems to me that she might not be sure you are the one, no offence. If she was sure, you'd be writing me about how great she was in bed. She goes back and forth, which tells me there is another issue at hand, that she isnt telling you about. She is using her mother as an excuse. She should be out on her own long before now. You really seem genuinly respectful, and that is a very good quality. Sorry to hear about your baby. I dont believe in abortion, so I had my 1st with someone that I regret having a baby with, but I wouldnt trade my son for the whole world. I understand your pain there. Try to open some lines of communication with her. Tell her that you feel that she isnt telling you something and it is keeping her from deciding wether or not she is ready for you. See what happens;)
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A
male
reader, virgin89 +, writes (13 May 2008):
virgin89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh trust me here mom might be like weird and stuff but she wouldn't follow us there..lol she prolly won't know that where we'll be.. but hmm now she's saying she doesn't want it.. why would she go back and forth like this about something.. ugh it's annoying.. see i almost had a kid in high school and my ex got an abortion.. well i'm very religous and catholic so that devistated me i shut myself off from sex bc i wanted my kid and she took it away from me.. not my gf now my ex.. but it killed me.. i went into a depression shortly afterwards and i pushed sex so far out of my life that i even didn't masterbate anymore.. didn't watch porn which every hs guy does.. especially jocks and i was prolly the biggest jock at school.. but now that she's going back an forth its hard for me to deal with it bc it took a lot for me to say yes i would with her.. bc i've shut that side of me out.. but now she's like upset with me bc she wants to keep it and doesn't want to talk about it anymore.. she says that but she brings it up and asks me how i feel and asks if she is hurting me.. i'm like i just don't like how when you're with me you want it and you are open with your feelings but then when you turn around you let your moms warped opinions and views and irrational thought process run your life that hurts.. what should i do about this.. how can i help her see that she is 20 and needs to step into the real world and stay there!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): How does her mother feel about her sister now? Are they religious people? Ugh, I hate that. NO OFFENCE, DIE HARD CHRISTIANS! But seriously, I have a baby girl, and as much as I'd like her to to stay pure untill marriage, I know it just isnt reality. Not nowadays. And mothers like her that make her feel like she will be disowned if she dosnt stay pure cause more problems than they prevent. However, thats just my oppinion. I know you are frustrated with this, because guys your age are peaking with sexuality, and you seem to really associate sex, with this girl, with love for her, and that for your age, is rare. How nutty is her mom? Would she follow you to that camp ground you speak of? Explain to your GF that loosing her virginity dosnt mean she wears a neon sign that says "whore" afterward. Her mother dosnt need to know this. Just for the record, I am not necessarily condoning this, I am all for keeping your temple clear untill that sacred bond happens, and if you can wait for that day, you will be highly respected by me, not that that would mean anything to you;) But, this is reality, so wear condoms, be gentle, and dont screw this up by cheating on her over it!
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A
male
reader, virgin89 +, writes (13 May 2008):
virgin89 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell things are kinda a little different now.. see she and i talked about it today and she agrees that she wants it she's just paranoid that her family will find out bc she's always been raised to keep it till you're married.. her older sister didn't and that made her feel better about wanting it but her mom is Ugh don't wanna go there but trys to control eveything in her life Everything! and my gf doesn't want her to find out bc her monther will try and make her break up with that person.. and my gf is uhh 20 YEARS OLD.... ladies can a guy get some help on maybe how to comfort her in this situation bc i don't feel like i'm doing enough.. i mean it's like she's saying i want to have sex but how to i get this paranoid feeling to go away..? any pointers?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): You obviously love and respect this girl very much, and props on not taking advantage of her when she was drunk. Must have been hard. I know that then you put tooo much emphisis on a situation, it can ruin it. Go with the flow. If she isnt comfertable enough yet, wait longer. If she will be comfertable before marriage, as long as the setting is right, maybe creating a romantic scene would help her feel better. For many females, thier first time most likely wont be very pleasurable. She will be nervous, it will hurt, and she'll be glad when its over, but when she knows it is happening with someone who was willing to wait for her, or wants to spend the rest of his life with, it eases that tension, makes it easier on her. Try to keep that in mind. But, I must say, you sound like a respectable guy, and I can tell you really want to make this perfect for her, so if you want to seem like you're not pushing her, the best advice I can give is to not push it. It's a scary thing for a female virgin. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2008): You obviously love and respect this girl very much, and props on not taking advantage of her when she was drunk. Must have been hard. I know that then you put tooo much emphisis on a situation, it can ruin it. Go with the flow. If she isnt comfertable enough yet, wait longer. If she will be comfertable before marriage, as long as the setting is right, maybe creating a romantic scene would help her feel better. For many females, thier first time most likely wont be very pleasurable. She will be nervous, it will hurt, and she'll be glad when its over, but when she knows it is happening with someone who was willing to wait for her, or wants to spend the rest of his life with, it eases that tension, makes it easier on her. Try to keep that in mind. But, I must say, you sound like a respectable guy, and I can tell you really want to make this perfect for her, so if you want to seem like you're not pushing her, the best advice I can give is to not push it. It's a scary thing for a female virgin. Good luck.
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