A
male
age
30-35,
*dpeters15
writes:I'm 19 year old male.I have this thing for bigger woman, I always have, ever since i was in high-school I've had this thing for them but I've never expressed it openly.So I've done it in secret by going to websites and talking to bigger woman. I even have a skinny girl-friend and she doesn't even know about it. I don't like the way i feel i just want to make it stop before it gets out of control.Please-please-please i need answers on how to deal with this before it becomes a really big thing and i start making huge mistakes. I've tried talking to my family about it but every time i do they either crack a joke and laugh when I'm trying to be serious.Please if anyone has an answer please help me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 You speak about your attraction to a larger figured woman as though it is something to be ashamed of. I want to tell you it is not. A woman is a woman, whatever size, shape, ethnicity, cultural background, intellogence, personality, height, shoe size, hair colour etc etc. Why do you feel you must hide the fact you like a fuller figure rather than a skinny one?
Is is because of social conditioning? Do you believe there is something "wrong" or shameful about being attracted to "overweight" women? Where has this belief come from? Is it from family or friends who speak about fat women in a negative way? Is it the media's portray of the ideal, ost beautiful figure being very skinny?
It's probably all of these things. But why do YOU have to believe what the media and other people believe is beautiful and attractive? Are you not an individual person? Why do you think you must keep your attraction to big women hidden?
I think it is very sad that the world is so judgemental and unaccepting of individuality and acceptions to the norm. Why should everyone feel they have to look the same as a clothes model? Why is it so wrong to be over the medical ideal weight? It's proven that being a few punds overweight is much healthier than being a few pounds under, in that statistically you live longer. Obviously there are severe health implications for someone carrying a lot of extra weight. But why can't such a person be seen as attractive? Not everyone wants to be the skinny, ideal. Not everyone is this shape naturally. Why should women who are naturally curvy or thickset have to conform to what society deems correct, and continually work to be skinny?
I am not saying that ignoring the health benefits of a healthy diet and regular exercise is a good thing, but some women simply gain weight easier than others. What is wrong with finding this sexy?
I fear I may be ranting. My point is, it's your life. You are who you are. Big women is your thing. Why are you dating a skinny girl? This is almost like a gay man having a relationship with a woman to conform. If you like curvy girls you don't need to hide it or be ashamed.
I personally find it insulting that you think this, as I myself am about 50lb "overweight". I am currently doing more exercise and eating more veg because I do want to feel healthier and be fitter and more toned, but I am not ashamed of being curvy. I love my big boobs and large bottom. I am an hourglass and proud. I never want to be a skinny size 0 and I probably never will be. I know I'm far from perfect but I am proud of who I am and have a lovely boyfriend. I get loads of compliments when I dress up and refuse to feel ashamed because I do not look like I "should" according to my mum, society, the media etc. I'm happy, my boyfriend is happy, that's all that matters.
I hope you understand my point, be yourself, don't be ashamed. If that means dating curvy girls go for it. Obviously if you love your current girlfriend, respect her and be with her, no matter what size she is. But if you know you really don't love her and dont find her attractive as you are really drawn to big women, do the right thing and leave her so you can both find someone more suitable.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Love big women and be proud about it! Don't hide it away.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Everyone has their own tastes about what they find attractive, and what they don't. I don't really see what your concern is. Is it that you are afraid of being laughed at if you date a bigger girl? I mean, you really can't force yourself to be attracted to someone that you aren't attracted to. You'll be unhappy inside! Isn't that why you are sneaking around??? How is it going to get out of control? You should date whom you like, who cares what other people think? Be true to yourself, sweetie.
I happen to adore Japanese men. Being a white blue eyed small lady, it might sound strange. None of my friends or family understand my fascination. Neither do I, but I don't care. I like this look, and for the last 10 years, they're the only men I've dated. Who cares if my family or friends think its weird?
BE YOURSELF. You can try to force yourself to date others, but trust me, if you're going against what you are attracted to, in the end you won't be happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): It is weird, yes, because usually people are turned on by the perfect figure, not by the outsize figure that is over weight and physically unfit. I understand why you feel worried about this, but I know it is a syndrome - there are a bunch of men who like women to be hugely fat (sorry - not beating about the bush here).
The thing is, it is a fantasy, isn't it? Because you aren't likely to have a hugely fat girlfriend. So in the same way that other people have mild fetishes about other things, you have about fat women. You have to decide: do you want this to be a life choice, and to have a huge partner, or do you want to keep this to yourself?
I suspect keeping it to yourself, accepting what turns you on and just living normally might be the best thing. But I don't know you or how you really feel.
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A
female
reader, kary +, writes (2 November 2010):
Well in my opinion you shouldnt really care what ppl are gonna say about u cus honestly ppl are always gonna talk.whether ure with a big girl or a skinny girl they always find something.Im not a huge girl but i do have curves thnx to my mom.we have big boobs big ass and big hips.1 thing with me is that i dnt date big guys,im only attracted 2 skinny guys and not 2 be cocky but since im not ugly its not a problem for me to get any guy.if u get a big girl just take her around ure friends & family.Trust me she will never be disrespected by them,im sure they dont wanna make of fool of themselves.But u in the other hand might get a few jokes at first.if she's a really cool chill girl people eventually are gonna like her and accept her for who she is.Another thing I must say is that if u do have a big girl there might be trust issues and stuff like that even with a skinny girl.but a big girl might feel like she has less of a chance or why are u with her instead of a skinny girl.Make sure u always make ure girl (skinny/fat) feel special but specially if shes big just give her that extra attention.People are always going to judge but its up to u if u want to make yourself happy or make them happy.
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