A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey, i used to post on here quite a bit before i started seeing a counsellor... over the past few months my life seemed to be getting better. then suddenly my grandma was rushed into hospital and since then i feel like im right back at the beginning. when my grandma became ill an old friend started talking to me again. i can't rememeber why we fell out, but i remembered i used to like him alot. ever since we've been chatting and i thought he was good for me, he has depression aswell. i thought that would make it good for me. but i've worked out he's partly to blame why im so bad again. he makes my life like a rollercoaster. we constantly fell out and he always made me think it was my fault until in the end i felt like i had to stay friends with him just so he'd stay alive. (he self harmed, badly). today my bestfriend broke up with her boyfriend, she loved him. the love teenagers have. but she had more feelings for her ex. just like i do. and she made me realise boys do just mess you around. i told my old friend - lets call him fred - and he made out how great he was cos he was different. and suddenly we're having a big argument because he thinks i enjoy being miserable.the main problem i have is whenever i develop feelings for another guy, this boy i've liked for years now, suddenly talks to me again. as if he knows he's losing me. my counsellor says its love. but i dont want it to be because i hate - bill - but i like/love him aswell. its confusing.fred sees this as him having no chance with me and i guess me being a horrible person. i dont know anymore what his problem is. its like he expected me to be this amazing girl who was completely different than the others, but maybe im too different? its as if he wants me to suffer for loving someone i hate. as if i find it amusing and enjoy the grief bill gives me. theres alot of history with bill i suppose. but it wouldnt make me cheat on a boyfriend or anything like that. does it make me a bad person loving someone i hate? i mean i said to fred it was best he didnt talk to me so he wouldnt get hurt. but once again he sees that as me being a bad person and liking that i can never have a relationship without conflict. please help! i dont know anymore.
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female
reader, PunkyPippi  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 Hmm.. I don't think you really hate him, but Bill needs to realize that no one will make his life worth living but himself. Even if you did date him, and he was happy for a while, it would only be a matter of time before everything fell apart for him again. You will never be enough for him because he doesn't love himself.
Bill is just trying to manipulate you so you'll be as miserable as him, whether he's your boyfriend or not. It's how he controls you. Drop Bill from your life.
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