A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to two men (one died and one divorce) and have 3 grown children. About 10 years ago I met a woman (confirmed lesbian) and fell in love. We have lived together ever since. However, due to physical circumstances on her part, we have not had sex for about 5 years. She and I share the same profession, passions, and preferences. I enjoy her company and she "gets" me.Recently I have met a wonderful man with whom I also have much in common and we have entered into a sexual relationship.The thought of losing either one is terrible as they both satisfy very important areas of my life and I really love them both. I have thought about choosing, but I don't know how I can.Is it possible to love two people at the same time?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): Thr trouble is that you love both of them because they fulfill different needs in YOU. If however they knew about what you are doing they may suddenly find that you can no longer fulfill the needs that THEY have. So you live a lie to get what you want and ultimately you are putting yourself first. If you think you would not mind if either of them had another partner then you are not out of line with your values. If you would mind very much it is another example of begin perhaps a bit self-orientated at the moment. It takes a lot of energy and trust to love one person alone, and most people can only provide that amount of effort. Remember that trust is the key and so is honesty. If these go you could be sitting on a house built on sand. You can get all kinds of love from friends, it is when it becomes sexual that ruin and betrayal come into the room. Think carefully and treat others as you would be treated, you got yourself here and you were not powerless over your decisions. Saying that always seems like a way of denying responsibility. You are responsible for being tempted and following through, you and only you. You caused the possibility of falling in love by getting too emotionally close to someone other than your partner and you fell in love. Where is the surprise? Take care and guard your relatiosnhips better in future if you can!
A
female
reader, hearthelper +, writes (13 June 2009):
Yes, it's entirely possible to be in love with 2 different people, or more, at the same time. But sorry honey eventually at least one of you will get hurt because of this, and my guess your gf will get hurt the most.
You need to figure out what you can and can't live without in another long-term relationship or marriage. Compatibility, belief systems, values, lifestyle, children...all of these are huge factors in considering who fits you better. I suggest go to counselling to talk about it and give you a better perspective. You probably should spend some time alone to figure things out; go on a small trip or retreat alone, bring a journal, read self-help books, and figure out who you are now and what you want in a partner.
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