A
female
age
36-40,
*nkwn
writes:I been with my husband for almost nine years we have 2 wonderful sons. A couple of months ago i got hurt at work so i was at home doing nothing which i started gaining weight. My husband never told me oh ur fat. Evevery thing was going fine. Well i was at 167 pds. So i was like i really gotta do something about it cause am 24 an started thinking they say the older u get it will be harder to loose weight. So i started working out an doing what ever it took to loose weight. So 3 months went by an my husband started noticing that i was loosing weight. Well up to this point i weight 143. Which am ok with that. Well now my husband has been getting mad at if am talking on the phone if am texting. Dont matter who it is. Then he be asking what they want what u texting back what do they want again. So i started deleting my messages cause they were girl talk. So i would leave some of them dat i wouldnt delete. An yesterday i couldnt find my phone so he went to da room to look for it an he was taking long so i went to see wat he was doing an he was reading my messages. So i kept letting him read them cause i got nothing to hide. Then i took da phone from his hand an i was like thanks for finding it. An he started telling me what are u hiding. I saId nothing. He said i know ur hidding something so we started arguing. I told him i delete my messages cause u start ansking me what we talking about. An why does it say this. !!! so i dont know wat to do. They say guys think when their gurl start loosing weight is like cause shes fucking around. Which that is not the case. Am doing it for me. Who wants to be fat. Am pretty sure no one. Am getting tire of trying to talk about it. Am always the one trying to work things out. So his mad right now an wont talk to me. I dont want this to get worse. What am i doing wrong?
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female
reader, unkwn +, writes (1 November 2010):
unkwn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanna thank every who answered. Well he was so mad at me that he wouldnt talk to me. We talked about it or we were arguing at first which he pissed me off because he acused me of cheating. I told him why would u think that. He kept telling me that i was hiding something on my phone. I said like wat. . Well he said.why do u delete ur messages. I said because i figured u were looking at them an its non of ur business what i talk about. With my girl friends or sister. I told him i dont mind u looking at my phone but if u start asking question of what we talking bout then am not gonna tell u. Well we talked an he said he wasent gonna look at my phone anymore. An i told him if something is bothering u next time tell me please dont stay quiet an twll me.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Good on you for losing the weight. Far too many married folks fail in that.
To be fair to your husband, he's probably heard quite a few horror stories about wives losing weight only once they cheat. The reason he did not initially complain about your weight gain was probably a combination of genuine sympathy and the resigned belief that all women gain weight after marriage.
I believe this attitude will go away on its own over time, and you can accelerate the process by maintaining an active sex life. However, you do need to make it clear to him that you have been trustworthy in the past (assuming that's true, of course), and that his attitude is both unwarranted and unhelpful toward your goal of keeping the weight off. Try to do so in a non-confrontational way, even if he's being unreasonable - when he thinks about it later, if you didn't get upset, he'll realize his mistake then. He gets some leeway for a natural male fear, but beyond that you owe it to yourself to require respect and trust.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Ok yes your husband is over reacting here, i think now that you have lost some weight you are more confident for it which is great but it has probably made your husbands self asteem hit rock bottom and he is probably scared that now you have lost weight you will want to go out and find another man, i know this is very anoying to you and he should be praising you on your hard work not accusing you, but i think the best thing that you can do here is sit and talk to your husband explain to him that you still love him and you lost the weight for yourself and nobody else, ensure him that there is no other man that you would even look at and that he needs to trust you, tell him if he cant trust you and keeps on accusing you that you are going to end up leaving him as you cant take it anymore, tell him you are not hiding anything but that he still doesnt have the right to go through your private things like your phone. Demand that he changes or you will be gone but also let him see that you are there for him whenever he is feeling insecure.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): Get him to go to counseling, WITH YOU BOTH THERE.
Your husband is feeling insecure in your relationship, for reasons that have to do with the marriage but not just due to you alone or your weight.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 ``they say guys think when their girl loses weight, she`s cheating...`` Who it this ``They?`` Nobody wants to feel badly about how they look!
I´m older than you, and I`ve joined a gym and started eating fruit and vegetables from the market and I`ve lost weight... and I`ve never even slept with anyone, much less cheated. I was just sick of the way I looked.
Your husband`s behavior is obscene! You`re not doing anything wrong... your husband sounds controlling. Who the hell wants to look in the mirror and be unhappy with what they see? Being fat is disappointing emotionally and it`s unhealthy. I congratulate you for losing weight. Your husband should stand by you and not overreact.
Have you thought about going to a counsellor about this? If not a counsellor, do you go to church? How about a pastor or priest? I feel like yur husband should talk to a professional.
Good luck and congrats on losing weight!! You did the RIGHT thing.
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