A
female
age
36-40,
*needadvice17
writes:Okay, well ive been in a relationship for 1 year and 6 months. And about two days ago i was out with my boyfriend and since he is able to access his email account from his phone i decided to send a picture to my email from his phone, and when i was just about to do that i saw a new email with the subject line (jessica), so i opened it and to my surprise it was a picture of some girl. i realized i knew her, she was his friends stepsister. and i asked him why was she sending him pictures, he said "just". at that moment i was obviously very mad. we started arguing. and out of anger i got out of his car with his phone and started walking. he followed me and was telling me to get back in the car.i refused. but eventually got back inside. he wanted his phone back but instead i called "jessica" and asked her what was going on between them. she insisted the were just "friends", but i dont know if i can trust her nevertheless my boyfriend, i feel that there is more than a friendship between them, otherwise he would not have hid this from me, i am very hurt that he would keep this from me. i just dont know what to do, or what to think, im just confused.and i lost trust in him. am i overreacting? what should i do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (20 February 2009):
 well if he said he will stop talking to her then i think those pictures mean she was flirting with him. the picture of her face is normal to give to a friend but not a picture in a short dress. but if he was that willing to put her out of his life then im going to guess that she was makeing the moves. more then likely he didnt tell you because he felt flattered that she liked him. but these are all theorys so i dont know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): Hi, don't mean to put my 2 cents in again and you will probably not like what I have to say. Please take this as a heads up only and not an insult because it is in no way meant to be. It sounds like you do have a very solid long term relationship and if you were able to talk this over and work it out then that is great. The only thing that I am going to say to you is something made that girl feel as if sending those sort of pictures to you boyfriend would be welcomed and appreciated. Since you certinly did not welcome this behavior from her, it must have been him. Since you say that it was already discussed between you and him that neither one of you were going to be seeing other people, he clearly knew he was doing something harmful to the relationship when he made this girl feel as if her pictures were welcome. This was a breach of trust and I know that you said you have talked to him about it and he "came clean", but on the other hand - did he have a choice? He was backed against a wall. The only way he could have possibly "came clean" in a situtation such as this one would be to tell you on his own, prior to you finding the pictures, "I need to talk to you about this. I feel as if I may have given this girl the impression that it is ok to send me these types of pictures and I would never want for you to find these pictures on my phone and think I was being unfaithful or want for our reltaionship to end, so how can "we" deal with this matter in a way that you can be comfortable and I can regain your trust in me." This is not what happened. If she has been sending him pictures it is because he wanted her to, if he did not tell you, it is because he did not want for you to know and if he did not want for you to know it was because he wanted this behavior from her to continue or exculate therefore; you finding the pictures does not mean he feels at all bad about having them, it only means he feels bad that you found them and he probably is scared that he could lose you over this. That still does not change the fact that if he could have gotten away with it he would have, so what do you think will happen the next time he feels he can get away with it. If you caught him and backed him against the wall, then "coming clean" was not an option. I am only saying that,if in the future, you find something that does not look quite right, you should quietly monitor it and see just how far it goes or has already gone. I know that in a healthy relationship you should not have to do something like this, but he has already broken the trust and has currently made this relationship an unhealthy one of you to be in. You have a right to monitor the situtation until you are satisfied that you can again trust him. This will save you a lot of future heartach and pain. Again, this is only my advise. I am glad that you worked it out and good communication is the key to a great realtionship, but only if that communication is honest. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, ineedadvice17 +, writes (19 February 2009):
ineedadvice17 is verified as being by the original poster of the question*To let everyone know yes we are in a serious relationship and we have discussed it prior to this, we were not going to see other people. Thanks for your advice everyone, and I do realize that i reacted without thinking, it was my mistake, but we talked about the situation yesterday and he agreed on not talking to her anymore and not keeping things away from me. I told him as far as me fully trusting him again, its gonna take a while. He understood and told me that he knows he did wrong and he is willing to do anything to regain my trust, he mentioned he loves me and didnt want to lose me. It is the first he has lied, (well that i know of) so i forgave him. * there was actually two she was wearing a short dress and heels in the first and the second pic was of her face, so yea jay what do u think that picture meant?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): It depends, I would think that after a year and six months that all of his female friends should be aware of you and your place in his life and you of them and their place in his life. I am not sure if I would act as extreemly as you did, but then again, I have probably been numbed by all of the a**holes that I have been with and the things that they have done to me. I think it would mainly depend on weather or not you both decided together that the relationship was going to be exclusive. Don't assume that time, sex or the fact that you choose to remain monogamous means that a guy would feel the same way. Although it is obvious to most of them, if it is not clearly defined that is what a lot of them will save as their "We never said we weren't going to see other people" get out of jail free card. I would suggest that next time you just quietly monitor the situtation prior the reacting. You can usually get an answer on your own if you just keep your mouth shut and your eyes open. If you bring things up too soon, prior to knowing for a fact if anything is going on or not, then if there is anything going on they will know they need to hid it better. You just kind of take yourself out of the loop by by reacting too quickly. At least that is what I have had to learn the hard way. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, prettypinkiebaby +, writes (19 February 2009):
 well u have a right to be a little angry but u guys have been together for so long so maybe u got the wrong idea cuz u obviuoly like eachother if not love! so just relax and look for some clues dont jump to asumptions! lemme kno wat happens!
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A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (19 February 2009):
what did the picture look like? depending on how it looks could depend on what it means. but either way, you are going to have a hard time trusting him now, so you need to decide if you want to try and fix this or if its not worth the trouble.
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