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male
age
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anonymous
writes: I just got engaged to my dead girlfriends sister. She was the love of my life and shaped who I have become. she was killed when I was in my early 20s and I am now 50 . I pined for her for over 25 years, wrote endless about her, had nightly dreams about her and began my now life long sickness of drinking and gamblingI carried her into numerous relationships including my 1 marriagesome friend say my returning to my parents house and getting engaged to this person is unhealthy.. thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): I like Betty Boup's advice, but there is one major concern that you didn't really mention with regards to your impending marriage.
Your life long sickness of drinking and gambling. If you are not in recovery and are still addicted you have no business getting married. You need to go to rehab and get detoxed and stay single for a year or so and work on the core issues that are causing your depression and your self medication with drink and your compulsive gambling as a way to detract you from your life.
I don't think it would be fair to this new woman to marry her under those conditions, and frankly I am concerned about why she would even want to marry you knowing that you have this problem. Is she really codependent? Takes responsibility for you and carries you instead of you standing on your own two feet? This relationship will not work if it is based on that, at the very least it will not be a happy one.
I think you may need some more help by writing in here. Your first step is making an appointment with your doctor and discussing treatment options. Join AA for support to get well. Having someone in your life that enables you is not going to help you to get better either. Now that's the truth of the matter. The rest is up to you.
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 Not nessassarily, but, you havn't said anything about your now fiance, her sister. Do you love her in her own right, or because she has a connection to the woman you loved and lost? You have to ask yourself these questions. If you are looking for your dead girlfriend in your sister, you won't find her. She is a different woman.
It's not so much unhealthy, its that you have to be sure of your motive, or why you want to marry the sister of the love of your life, who is now dead. If you have found happyness with this woman and it just so happens that she is the sister of your ex, it's just one of those things. Don't let it hold you back if you love her and this relationship makes you happy. Yes she was your ex girlfriend's sister, but she has been dead for some time now, so there isnt harm in marrying her if you love her, reguardless of who her sister was.
You need to make sure that you do.
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