A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone to make a long story short I was with my boyfriend for a yr before he moved away. We kept a LDR. LDRs are very hard work and we were both very occupied w/ school and work so I decided to break it off after another yr of being away.Before he met me, he had lost his virginity to a previous g/f and I was still a virgin. I wanted to take things slow and he was kind of "waiting" for me until I was ready. He was my first love and we both shared many good memories together, even while being apart in a way that brought us closer until the very end, which we both understood as going to school then working til nighttime and waking up to do the same old routine again is stressful and being away from eachother made things worse.Anyway to get to the point, we were "over" (no contact, as we were trying to get over eachother) for 6 months until recently that he made contact with me again and told me that hes missed me so much and that hes made plans to move back (next week!!) so we can finally fulfill all our plans together. I was so happy but something happened about 2 months back..I was over at my best (guy) friend's house and I lost my virginity to him. It was unexpected nobody planned it. This is someone Ive known all my life and feel comfortable around him, I was actually over telling him how much I missed my ex and he kissed me and it went from there. I dont do things like this, I felt so guilty and now when my ex or "soon to be boyfriend" again comes home I will have to confront him and tell him everything but I dont know how and Im scared he wont forgive me even though we werent together during that time. Any advice or insight is very much appreciated. Thank you.
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female
reader, meems17 +, writes (20 December 2010):
The exact same thing happened to me! We haven't talked in months and I miss him so much, my LDR. I've tried reaching out to him, but haven't heard anything and we haven't talked in 5 months :( I had given up on the LDR for the most part b/c of school, etc. they are really hard to maintain! I don't know if he will be moving home anytime soon, but I know he might within the year or so. My ex from a long time ago had reappeared...right after things ended w/ the LDR, I was talking about him and we ended up talking, kissing, then more. I lost my virginity to him as well. I'm torn up cause I don't know what to do. I had gone to visit for the LDR for one week during summer and we didn't have sex...but I ended things w/ the ex from my past and am trying to open contact again with the LDR. I am glad your guy is moving back, you guys weren't together so I don't think its need to know information. I have considered telling him as well what happened if we did get together again...but I think I would only tell him if the topic came up or maybe just tell him that you wanted to wait but it just happened and you regret it? I think that's how I would try to explain it. How did you guys start talking again?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2010): The standard advice for this would be that you weren't together so it's not your BF's business what you did with anyone else.
That advice is technically correct. But you would never have asked the question in the first place if that was going to work for you.
Maybe your virginity is a big deal to you, maybe it's a big deal to him, or maybe both. But whatever. The bottom line is that you don't feel right keeping this from him. So tell him and get it out in the open.
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