A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Over the last year things in my life have fallen apart. I've been unemployed for the year, had medical issues, and recently broke up with my bf of four years. My bf is a great guy and I do love him, but I have found my attraction to him waning. He has lost his hair, and gone bald, and it has affected my feelings for him. I can't help but feel that he doesn't measure up to what I imagined my ideal guy to be. I feel horrible for feeling this way, as he has always been there for me. But something inside me is hesitating when it comes to him. Sometimes I feel like I'm making a huge mistake in not wanting to be with him, and then in other times I think that maybe I'm just scared that I'll never meet someone else.We have stayed in contact and I know that he is still in love with me and wants to be with me. What should I do? Should I try to make it work with him, or try and find someone new?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): He hasn't received any medical treatment as far as I know. I am grateful for all the responses, and as many of you have stated I do believe that this is about more than appearances. I think over the years I have begun feeling that he takes me for granted, and I think his appearance is part of that. I think that since I enjoy going out and getting dressed up alot, that our differing personalities with regards to that issue may play a part in all this. I think it's also notable that he is the only person I have ever dated, which further complicates the issue.
Thank you all for the advice. I clearly have a lot of thinking to do.
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (22 June 2009):
 Has he gotten any medical treatment for this problem, by any chance?
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera +, writes (22 June 2009):
It's true that another poster asked about her balding husband, but let's not jump to the conclusion that it's the same person. That woman's fiance is not the only balding man in the world! :)
I don't think that it's fair to accuse someone of something that they may not have done. Notice the country flag is different. I don't mean to put anyone down, but je repete: It's not right to jump to conclusions.
I answered a similar question, though, and I'm going to stand my ground:
I think that if you LOVE someone, then you're not going to stop loving him/her because of a physical defect.
Looks ARE important, I would be lying if I said no one cared about looks. However, everyone has a physical defect or two! You need to search your heart, and decide if you truly love him. Unfortunately, you are the only person who knows the answer to that. If you truly love him, then you'll still care about him in spite of his hair loss problem, in my opinion. If you truly love him, take him back... but only if you truly love him. You have to be sincere with him, don't lead him on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): LOL. my apologies. I've never seen so many women stressed over their balding men. Typically, it's women stressing over their husband's who have "stopped loving" them becuase they are stretched out and saggy after having children and aging and such.
I can't see that his badling would honestly change the way you feel about him, as a person. I mean, Love is deep. It's not a hole that you can just climb out of because someone yelled "dinnertime!"
That's why there are so many women on this site who want so badly to leave their abusive relationships but they can't becuase they're "in love."
Don't toss your ex off quite yet. Is he willing to wait around for you? Can you continue dating for a while whilst you settle your affairs and get in touch with your emotions?
Because I think that when you have everything else in order, your vision will clear as to how much you love him. He is the same man, reguardless of his hair loss. When your breasts are down to the floor, you will need love as well. Aging is a natural part of life, and if there weren't so many procedures out their to "reverse" it, and if Hollywood weren't so obssesed with looking younger, then maybe us regular people would be more immuned to the idea of aging.
I think that with all the problems you have going, you will need someone around to lean on.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): As I stated previously, I am NOT the same person who wrote in about her husband. I am interested in hearing what other people have to say, and since this is MY question that I asked for responses to, of course I'm going to be reading the responses! So while YOU don't have to post here, I DO have to read the replies! Just because I happen to be in the same age range as the other person,doesn't mean we are the same person, and frankly I'm tired of you constantly insinuating that I am, as it may prevent me from getting more replies from people with genuine advice. The purpose of this site is to seek advice and guidance from others who want to share their personal insight. That is what I'm asking for, so if you don't have any advice to give, please refrain from responding. To all those who have offered their genuine opinion on my actual problem, thank you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): I am the person who wrote this question. I AM NOT the same person with the husband. I did not even see that person's entry when I wrote mine. I am looking for advice on my own issue, and to be honest if you don't like what I'm writing, you don't have to read it or provide advice. My question may have a similar theme to the other poster, but it is a specific problem that I have, and I am looking for real advice and guidance. Thank you to all those who have contributed their opinions. I am reading all of your advice and giving the matter some serious thought. Please continue providing your opinions as I really want to hear a variety of ideas on the issue. THANk YOU
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): If she is the same person, then she downgraded her husband to her boyfriend and said she broke up with him, when in fact, that was the matter she was contemplating.
LOL i've noticed Satin's petpeeve for repeated questions.
~SY.
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A
male
reader, ALONSO80  +, writes (21 June 2009):
People fall in and out of love. It's the sad truth but that's just the way it is. I think if you love this man the fact he is balding should not be that important. how about if you gain 50 pounds, would you want him to just walk out on you? Leave him if he treats you poorly, but dont if it's something a lot of men have to go through.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): Why are there so many women on this site today who need help with their bald significant others. I certainly hope this isn't the same person over and over.
And if it is, do realize, that the same aunts and uncles are here daily.
We've said what needs to be said on the following two posts.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-do-not-like-feeling-old-because-of.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-not-attracted-to-my-balding-husband.html
Everyone ages, my love. You will want a man who will love you in all your sagginess and stretch marks and every man wants a women who will love him in all his shiny-headedness.
~SY.
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