A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I was seeing a girl around the end of last year and things were going really well. We would spend a lot of time together and everything gelled really well. She had even said she loved me. Then suddenly within a 24 hour period she cooled off big time. I had to call her to see what the problem was and she said we should cool it. I was confused as the time period between us being together and things going seemingly well and her going silent was really tiny.I talked to a friend about it. All i said was that i found her behaviour very strange and that i didn't know what was going on. I decided not to contact her as i thought she might need space. About a week later i got a text asking could we meet up. I agreed. When we met she apologized and said she had just panicked as the relationship seemed to be moving really fast but she wanted to try again as she realized she was much happier with me in her life.We went on a couple of dates and things were as comfortable as they had been. Then however i started to feel like things were cooling off again through changes in her calls and texts. We went to a show and at the end of the night she brought up that her sister had told her that i had talked about her when we were apart. Apparently my friend had told her sister that i had been upset over the situation.I explained that i had said nothing bad about her but i had been confused about the situation at the time which i felt was understandable. She said she knew i had said nothing bad about her but she flt she had been painted in a bad light. I asked her if this was something we could get through. She said yes. However, since then it is obvious that she has backed off even though it hasn't been spelled out explicitly. Did i do wrong by consulting with a friend during our time apart? I don't really think i did but i hate to think i've hurt someones feelings that i genuinely cared about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2015): Honestly, as a woman I think I could understand why it upsets her and she might not be so happy about you disclosing information or asking advice( especially if it was to another woman and it is even worse if she does not like this person you spoke to!). I understand that you were confused at that time and maybe needed some advice, but there are certain people who like things to be private and do not like the fact that their intimate/ personal issues are out there for others to discuss. It was not your intention to make her feel disrespected or anything, but I think she might feel like her privacy had been violated, and what might hurt her is that it was you, who had done this, a person she is interested romantically and is supposed to trust. Also think about it, this friend you asked advice to did not even keep to herself and went and told the sister. It is hard to confide in people nowadays; you really have to know who you are dealing with. I really think that in a way it is a bit over reaction from her part, but that is just how a lot of people are due to their beliefs, being highly sensitive, etc. If you are really interested in her, make sure she knows that you understand now that it was not a good idea, and that you respect that she prefers matters to be kept and discussed between you guys only. Relationships are about compromises, and just like she will have to compromise to your way of being, you also need to understand that her beliefs/ priorities will be important to you too!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 February 2015):
 She is very high maintenance and has little consideration for your feelings. She responded to your upset, confusion to giving you more upset and confusion. She cares a lot about her image, too much that she has trouble listening to what you have to say. She also has many secrets, feelings that she is not open to share with you. Must be afraid of how that could affect her image to you. I think she hurt your feelings more than you did her. She already has been training you to ignore your own needs but to always cater to her. Her time is more important to you so you would have to be on edge so she won't punish you with another break.
I won't tolerate this at all. So early and giving you silent treatment over nothing.
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