A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This isn't a relationship problem, but more of one that I can't figure out if it's an issue mentally or if it's something other people experience and is normal...I've noticed over the last few months that I'm starting to really grow negative dislike towards my photos the more I look at them. I'll have a photo taken, or be tagged in one on Facebook and I'll like it when I first look at it, but then after looking at it a few times I don't like it anymore. I find I end up staring at myself in the photo for too long that I start to grow ugly and notice all these flaws about myself.It's horrible, because I somehow ruin what I think is a nice photo of myself, but looking at it too much that it then becomes a photo I don't like. I can't seem to look at my photos now, because I worry that I'll end up hating every photo of myself if I carry on doing this. It sounds stupid, but I just wonder if this is normal and it happens or if it's one of those OCD issues, i hope not!My friends said that if they starred at their photos too long they'd also grow to hate it and see their flaws. Is this true? I'm just worried because now I don't like looking at my photos too long incase I end up hating it, it's gotten bad that now I look through all my tagged photos and I just think i'm so unattractive in many of them that I've in fact hidden them from anyone seeing. I don't know what's happened to bring this on and I think the fact that i've hidden them from anyone seeing and don't look at them worries me! How is it possible?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2014): I can't say whether this is normal or not, but I have done it...A LOT. Like Cerberus, I end up looking like a totally different person, a much "uglier" person. Others have told me how bad I look in photos. I even once posted my photo in a game on a Facebook fan page in which you send in your photos to be critiqued. I was compared to the Exorcist if that gives you an idea of how bad my photos come out. Granted my pose in that photo didn't do me justice (my head was tilted oddly), and the fact I was wearing a pajama shirt didn't help either. There is no way I even remotely resemble the Exorcist in real life. I've been told by many people I'm pretty and attractive. I know I'm not ugly, but you'd never know judging by photos of me. I don't even wear makeup or fake tan, so I know that isn't the problem. I've come to the conclusion I'm simply not photogenic. Neither is my sister in law, but she is a KNOCK OUT in person. One of the most beautiful women I've seen. I have actually known quite a few people how are VERY attractive yet aren't photogenic. Look at it this way: It's better to look unattractive in photos but look good in person than it is to look GREAT in photos, but look unattractive in person. Thank your lucky stars it isn't the other way around. My suggestion? Don't have a Facebook page. This issue used to really get me down. I'd see other women's photos all over the place, and they'd get all kinds of likes and comments from people telling them how hot, gorgeous, beautiful etc they are. I'd post a photo and get only a few likes, usually from family members who probably only liked them because they felt sorry for me. And no comments. As silly as it probably sounds, that really got to me sometimes. I started to obsess over it like you, and stare at my photos thinking they look horrible. My solution? I got the phone numbers of people I didn't already have, and got rid of my Facebook. I can still stay in touch with people whenever I want, but I don't feel pressured to post photos or statuses to try and keep up with other people, or try to keep people interested. I don't regret my decision in the slightest. Now the only time photos of me are taken is at family get-togethers, and they don't care that I'm not photogenic. They're not going to judge me and I know this. They also know I don't really look that bad since they see me in person, and we actually laugh about it. Also keep in mind that a lot of girls and women use filters and angles for their Facebook and other social media photos, so I imagine they also experience this. Otherwise they would feel they can post unedited, natural photos of themselves. You are FAR from alone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2014): I can say, I'm fine with a full-length body-photos; but I don't take selfies or close-ups.
I just don't like them.
Practically every friend and family member I have, has close-up photos of my face. If I could take them back, I would. They reassure me all the time, they're great, they love them. I have pics they want back too!
No, you don't necessarily have OCD. You can get evaluated by a therapist; if the feeling has reached a degree of overwhelming obsession. Your daily functions and thoughts are constantly infected with concern and worry.
Maybe you feel self-conscious and over-study your likenesses. Over scrutinizing your appearance. That's why proofs are taken when getting professional photos; so you can choose the best likeness. You don't get that option with a spur of the moment photo.
It's more about the event, the emotion, and the story. Not just your face. You're losing track of what the picture is for.
The quality of pictures often depends on many factors.
Lighting, angles, and the camera. You may not be disliking your looks, but the way you look in the picture; and they quality of the photograph. It's getting distorted the more you stare at it. It's a matter of perception.
The longer you stare at a painting, a photograph, or a graphic; the mind will distort the image. It has something to do with the eyes and lighting against the cones in optic nerve that creates weird images. Optical illusions, even moving of a fixed image!
Most head-shots and body-photos taken by celebrities get Photoshopped and air-brushed to remove flaws and distortions. They remove what they don't like. So vanity plays some role in it. You're your own worst critic. If the photo was planned; you'd stage everything, and it would look phony. That's not why we take photos.
It is to preserve a memory, emotional-expression, or experience. It's an emotional treasure, taken as a keepsake.
Are you losing your appreciation for the simplicity of it all, because of vanity? I'd say that may be the case. I've realized that's my problem. So I guess we should deal with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2014): It's easy, OP, photos are a really an odd vision of ourselves that we don't normally see. When we look in the mirror our reflection is reversed for example, the lighting is more natural etc.
I don't know what it is about pictures but I look pretty bad in all of them. I don't photograph well at all for some reason. I don't look at them and hate my appearance though, I honestly don't care but even my wife and friends are amazed at how badly I come out in pictures. I look like someone else.
My wife then is the opposite. I mean she's very pretty but she could be caught mid-vomit with her mascara smudged all over her face and the picture will still look angelic.
As far as what you're doing then yes, if you keep staring at a picture of yourself no matter how amazing that picture is you'll start to see things wrong with it. Most people are like that about everything. The thing is OP these are publicly displayed social media pictures.
I mean you surely must see with the majority of your friends who get dressed up for a night out, happy, confident, think they look great only to see the pictures the next day and have that image ruined, think they looked horrible etc. It's simply because if we examine anything we do in life enough we'll always find flaws or ways we can improve.
You sound perfectly normal, OP. We're our own staunchest critics. I read some of the work I submitted for college a few years back and I'm amazed at how sloppy it seems, I see things I could improve on, all over them, while at the time they were good enough to get me top marks. I re-watch videos of some of the MMA bouts I've won and the more I watch them the more sloppy I seem to be. I mean I won them, but I could have guarded against his elbow better, or I realise I didn't see a flaw in his technique I could have exploited to get a knock-out sooner.
Basically OP it's just a form a self-analysis, something which all intelligent people have. It's actually a positive thing that allows us to learn from mistakes or improve ourselves, the only problem for you is that you've twisted that positive trait into a negative by focusing on a picture of yourself and applying that principle to it. I mean fair enough if you've identified that your foundation doesn't match your fake tan, that's something you can correct. But if you're staring at them and begin to start hating your smile then no offence but you're being too self-critical and letting it get the better of you.
It's a perfectly normal reaction most of us have, the thing is it seems to go away too. I mean some of the pictures my mother has of me graduating, or some of my childhood pictures look hilariously bad, but you see them enough and they just become pictures with little emotion attached.
There's nothing wrong with you, but you do need to stop obsessing about them and looking for flaws. You could go back over your statuses or comments on Facebook and if you look at them long enough you'll start to feel shit about your grammar, or you'll realise there was a better way to say that, or you'll start to see ways in which others may have taken it that you didn't intend. We can switch that on and off, so when it comes to pictures witch it off by not staring.
Just count yourself lucky you're not one of these people that can't bare to look at yourself even in the mirror for any length of time, there are a hell of a lot of people like that around and they live in a personal hell.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 April 2014):
 I don't think it's OCD - If anything it's more likely to be Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) - not OCD.
If STARING at your own pictures makes you feel bad, then why do it? It's like banging your head against a wall, it hurt so the sensible person would stop banging their head on the wall.
Also when you set out to look at your pictures you are ALREADY in the state of mind to ONLY find fault. And when you succeed in finding one you keep pushing for more faults.
I think this is pretty NORMAL for girls you age, to be honest. You want to be perfect, look perfect, seem perfect. NO ONE is expecting perfection from you, but you. And I would suggest you try and look for good things in your pictures. Your eyes look bright, you skin looks great and so forth. IF you start to see negative things you walk away from the picture.
If you take a LOT of selfies, try and stop for a month.
Even consider going to a professional photographer. They know how to BRING the bast of you out in a picture.
I'm not the most photogenic person (for sure) I can have 20 pictures taken and 10 will be good, 5 will be crap and 5 will be so so. So what?
For YEARS I ended up photoshopping the family Christmas photo because with 3 kids you are bound to have 1 (or 2) of them making faces or moving and the shot, it's JUST not how I wanted it. These days that is half the fun.
Do you think these photos LIE about what you really look like? Because if you compare them to how you look in the mirror you are actually off quite a bit. Pictures are taken at odd angles, weird light and usually people don't REALLY hold still while the shot is taken. So having pictures look off sometimes, It's pretty NORMAL.
If you have ever seen America's next topmodel - there are times THOSE REALLY pretty girls have a whole SHOOT 20-36 pictures taken and only 1 is considered good. And those are girls who LEARN how to "pose".
I would actually rather look LESS then perfect in a picture and then when meeting people they think she is MUCH prettier/ cuter/whatever in person then her pictures. A good photo is great, looking good is great. But there should be a LOT more to you then just your looks. I would hope.
Step away from the camera a while. Try not to be so self-absorbed.
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