A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am 19 years old and I will be turning 20 in a few short months. I have a twin sister and a little sister and I am currently attending my first year of college. I have always been known to be very level-headed and dedicated and when I am on my own or with friends, I am told that I am very pretty and extreemely intelligent. However, over the last couple of years, it has occured to me that I have yet to have been asked out on a date, yet to be kissed, or yet to be approached by any guy what-so-ever, and after two years of observing this of myself, I have started to feel rejected and lonely. Perhaps it is because my little sister got her first boyfriend at the age of fifteen when I was eighteen. Since then, she has moved on from this particular boyfriend and is now roaming a free agent. Still she is the universe for many boys and a heart breaker for a few that have admitted their interest in her. She has learned her lesson from her first boyfriend and is making sure she chooses the right guy this time, however it still hurts when I know that for her, boys come in the bunches and all she has to do is make sure she finds the right one, while for me, I am just worried I will never find one to begin with.Or perhaps I feel this way because I feel as if I am walking in my twin sister's shadow. Ever since we were little, my twin has been refered to as the absolute angeland beauty of the two of us. We are freternal. She has lighter skin than me and blond hair. I have olive skin and I am a brunnette. She has attracted boy's attention since we turned fourteen and because people often don't pick us out as twins or me even being related to either of my sisters, I can hear them talking about her from time to time. She has a whole line of them that could stretch for a mile in our highschool alone. Since we have moved onto colledge, that line has only grown. My twin has always had to deal with the problem of keeping boys away. At first, when I was sixteen, I found this rather amusing, but as time wore on, I became more and more worried. Was there something wrong with me? Did I scare boys away? Did I have a closed demeanor? I didn't know, but since I have left for colledge, my twin has been on several dates. She has admitted to me that she has had her first kiss with a boy she found she likes very much, but she only kissed him after rigorous dating and exploring her options first.I am a socialite. I go out and I "Party" but I do not drink. I will occassionally have a sip here or there but that is it. If I drink it is for the social aspect, never to get drunk (which I never have) . I love to dance and have a good time. I have been told by my girl friends, gay friends and some older people that I am very classy, clever and I even got enchanting (by a gay bestie in an older age bracket). I know that I am not an introvert and I know I am fit. I play sports, work out, and eat healthy.( I used to think that I was always overlooked because my twin is two inches taller and wieghs in at around 109 whereas I am shorter and wiegh in at 112, so I looked dumpy as my mom would say at least) I love to dress nice and dress up, but I am practical. I love dirt-biking as much as I love shopping. I never have forgotten my manners. I love to laugh and have a good time, and I just don't get it. EVERYONE I know has been in a relationship or is in a relationship. My father, despite all my girly-ness is begining to question if I even like guys and I am scared that I will never find someone for me. My dad says that I need to hurry up or else I might die an old maid. I am soo scared! I have always dreamed of being in love even though I have no idea how to be in love and I am afraid that love is going to fall short on me. What do I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): It is gratifying to know one is not alone. I am 27 and have never once had my feelings for anyone returned. To the point where I envy my younger sister, even if I disagree with her choices.
But I refuse to become bitter, at least to other people. My problems are my own. I have trouble relating easily to others. I never did make friends easily.
However I have reached a point in my life now where I am trully miserable with the way I am.
Unlike you however, I do not have the advantage of being a woman and attractive to fall back on.
Just get your sister to set you up on a date or two, she clearly has no shortage of guys she can introduce you to. Besides... Quality, over Quantity.
A person can spend their lives with one person and be sadder or happier than one who jumps from bed to bed. And vice versa.
It seems to me where you and your twin trully differ is that she enjoys variety. Enjoys being social as she is. And you... you need more than that.
You are young. It's too late for me, but you still have a chance. Don't let life slip you by as I have.
Flynn 24
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 First I would like to ask you do you really want and need a guy because this is what your heart desires, or you want one just because your sister had many, and everyone is in a relationship? What do you like about guys? What is it in guys that turn you on?
You should tell your dad to stop teasing you being an old maid. What he should do is encourage you to have faith in yourself. He didn't know how much that bothered you when he's just trying to express his wish for you to have a boyfriend. It's not anyone's fault that you are starting late in romance. Also why would your mom say you look dumpy. It sounds like your sister just got all the love, everything comes easy while you have to work at everything. Accept that and make the best out of what you have. Love is not something to hurry and the universe is not just going to cough up someone because you want it at the time you want. Love does not have a formula, like blond hair girls gets all the guys and popular girls live a better life, etc. My mom has four sisters, and although my mom is already pretty she constantly compared her looks with them and felt inferior. She got all the guys though. So this may not have anything to do with looks. She has the best marriage out of all her sisters. It's their life paths that are all different.
It will help if you detach from your sister. Being a twin may make you think that you should have similar lives. Statistics show that the lives of twins can be very opposite. Rather than mourning about your single status, think about what you are going to do with your life. As long as you are healthy, ambitious, kind, you are always in demand. Being chased by guys is not a sign that you are more valuable. Confidence should come from within.
Try more dating venues. Talk to more people. Know that you are different from your sister and you don't need a carbon copy of her life to be happy. It will also help if you stop comparing, rushing, being negative. Relax. Even if you are single for a few more years, is it really that bad? With divorce rate that high, don't you think it's ridiculous that people are still get crazy about love, get bitter about love, then yet encourage people to get married still?
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 hi
it sounds to me as if the only thing you lack which your twin doesnt if self confidence. please stop comparing yourself (unfavourably!) to her. you are very young. i think your dad has a good few years yet before he starts having to worry about you ending up to be an old maid! :)
i think you sound as if you have a great life; intelligence, good social life, interests. please do not lose sight of these positives
xx
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