A
female
age
41-50,
*chl
writes:I live with my partners parents, we have two children and I am finding it hard living with now We wanted to pay off our debt which we have and save to buy a house. However things have changed, I feel like a slave to his mother our kids and him, he does everything he wants and am always left at home or should I say behind. It was much easier when his dad got home every 6 wks, but now his dad has changed and I feel bullied by them all, If I got a council house and moved out with the kids I know things would be over between us, but anything is better than being unhappy in this house isn't it? I just don't get the support I need from him. What should I do ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): have you tried talking to him and telling him how you feel? i know it sounds so obvious, but you would be surprised how many of us keep it all in. talking really does work.
ok lets say you have tried that and still got nowhere, then its not so bad either. at least you know where you and his children come on his list of priorities and its not the first place you deserve. just take one problem at a time and you can manage to deal with them.
if you still love and want to be with him and believe he loves you then ask him to move into a council house with you and the kids. perhaps even get married. tell him while you appreciate his parents help and support that you feel the time has come to have your own home. i know money may be a bit tight but your sanity is worth so much more here, and it should be to him too. after renting for a bit and paying off your debts you could always apply to buy your council house. you would receive a significant discount on its value due to being a tennant. many people do this as it is their only way of buying an affordable home in todays market of rising house prices. it would be a valuable inheritance for your children in the future. this is a valid reason for you both to move on and for him to take on some responsiblity as the head of his own household. you never know, it might just be the incentive he needs to get him to "pull his socks up". you could even get housing benefit if you are on low income at present. at least check it out.
if this isnt an option with him then you really do need to consider whether you want to stay. you are obviously unhappy. you could always do everything i said above alone. afterall, you have been holding his parents house together for how long? you are a strong woman. you can do this. dont be a slave for them anymore.
as for your children, well lead by example. whether you are with their father or not show them how you work for your money, feed and clothe them on a budget and clean one room eachday to give them a warm loving environment and a stress-free mum. you dont want your kids to grow up with an unhappy mum. when they see you doing these things then they are likely to follow, given a bit of time ofcourse depending upon their ages.
if you do leave, it doesnt necessarily spell the end for your relationship. you have children together and that is always an huge "pull". he might realise just what he is missing out on and turn over a new leaf. if he does, then ensure he agrees to be the partner and father you need him to be.
all relationships require give and take. if you are willing to give and he take all the time then it wont work. make sure it flows both ways. i wish you and your family all the luck in the world.
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