A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi im a 20 years old female from philippinesI have a boyfriend and we are already dating for more than a year now,but before we started dating the one i used to like is one of his friends,i even once tried to make a move on him first but he rejected me I dont know if its because he really doesn't like me or he's giving way for my current boyfriend because everybody of his friends knew that he likes me which i don't have any interest that time. Because of his rejection i tried dating my current boyfriend so basically i dont have feelings for him at first but gradually i developed some strong feelings and honestly he is the first guy i had the longest relationship with and he is the first guy that i introduced to my family. The guy i used to like is always out of the country because of his work but he comes back after half a year. But right now i started to lose interest with my boyfriend maybe because we already pass the honeymoon stage of our relationship My boyfriend is out of town now because of school and the guy i used to like just came back and i feel kinda nervous and anxious i tried to act as normal as possible the feelings that i used to bury inside felt like going out again and im starting to fell out of love with my current boyfriend,and honestly i never even recieved even a single flower from him and i had the feelings that i want to break up but i also dont want to because of the memories we had.So my question is what should i do with this feelings? Should i continue having a relationship with my current boyfriend?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2018): You don't end a relationship once it passes the "honeymoon stage." The goal of a relationship is endurance; and the expectation that your love will grow, and become more established. Hopefully the feelings are equal and mutual.
Over the test of time, and after overcoming the normal challenges couples face; if love continues, you continue building on that foundation. You don't just hang-in there as long as the honeymoon stage lasts. That's immature. Be that the case, you'd be in a new relationship every other month!
In our early 20's, we should date a variety of types to find a good match. I don't mean a series of weekly switch-offs and speed-dating. I mean if one isn't working-out, figure-out why; and try to make better choices. Learn from your mistakes. Try not to repeat them.
You have to take time-out of relationships between relationships. That's to learn independence, do self-improvements, and to avoid being a relationship-junky. Always in a relationship, and dependent on guys to make you feel safe; because you're weak-minded and insecure. You have to grow-up! You have to practice being a strong woman who makes good decisions. Learn to be a good girlfriend; and eventually a good wife.
You're young and relationships will come and go. You will experience mixed-feelings, have doubt, and feel confused altogether about what you really want. Time and experience helps you to grow more mature; and you'll develop discernment and more certainty about who you want to be with, and why.
Your present relationship probably has run its course. From your description; it seems like you settled for your present boyfriend, just because he was a friend of the guy you really wanted to be with.
That's typical of youthful-relationships. Most of our teenage-relationships were just trial-relationships anyway; for the sake of getting used to dating, and becoming aware of your sexuality. Testing and exploring your romantic-feelings towards guys. Some real, some more along the line of fantasy, or just a fleeting crush.
You're older now, and you have to start making adult-decisions. You have to be more considerate of the feelings of people you lead to believe that you care for them. You can't pretend and lead guys on. You don't stay with guys for old-time's sake. Either you love him, or you don't!
Don't stay with your boyfriend just because you had a few good-times you've shared. It's about actual romantic-feelings you have for him; based on a true intimate-connection you've made between you.
He's a dud, or a bore; then I guess you're ready to move on.
You might have used your boyfriend as a means to stay close to the other guy. Now your BF is out of the way; and you're plotting what you ought to do to hookup with the other guy.
That's sneaky, and it's cheating.
You don't have to continue being in a relationship with your boyfriend. It would look really bad to dump him as soon as the other guy shows-up in town. What if the other guy is interested in somebody else, and not you? Besides, your feelings are all over the place!!! You're a hot mess!
You shouldn't be trying to get with other guys behind your boyfriend's back! Especially one of his friends! It's a bad reflection on you. Some guys go by the "bro-code;" and he just might reject you again! How would he know you won't do the same thing to him, the minute you see another guy you might like? You might suddenly decide you want your old boyfriend back; as soon as you hear he's with a new girl!
Don't make excuses to be unfaithful. If you're over your boyfriend, then end it. Don't end it and go rushing after the other guy either. He might not think very highly of you behaving in such a way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2018): Only you know if you have outgrown your boyfriend, you have only been together a year, if you are not really into him and you like someone else then i reckon you could answer your own question really.
You are young, you are dating and if you are going off your boyfriend then it is doubtful you are going to last a few years and be happy. If you are doubting him and only staying with him because you have had good times in the past i wouldn't say that sounds like you are that into him...
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