A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The other day, I went in for an interview, and the guy who interviewed me seemed to be close to my age or a couple years older, with a very attractive face and pleasing manners. He seemed quite friendly and easily amused. I however get the impression that he might be some kind of emo or rocker kind of guy - I can't tell but so much when he's in his work clothes. Anyhow, that's not necessarily the problem. The problem, here, is that I like him. I haven't developed any real feelings or anything, but it's just that I'm attracted to him. This is my first job, although I already knew that it was bad to flirt with the boss, etc., and that your co-workers and management would look down on one or the both of you if anything became apparent. I haven't had the greatest luck with guys - all the ones that I like reject me in different ways, and the ones who I don't want to be bothered with, like the flabby, lonely, sometimes one-dimensional guys, are always attracted to me, and it makes me feel like that's all I'm going to be able to attract, that I'll never succeed in getting the one that I want - that I'll always have one come up to me who I *don't* care for.I have also been given to understand that flirting with the boss and/or pursuing a relationship beyond work can create a great deal of awkwardness, especially if it turns out that the he's not all that you thought he was and that he's weird in a way that's not charming, in terms of quirky interest, but in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable to the point you don't want him to come within 100 yards of you.Problem defined, I pretty much feel discouraged with guys altogether; I've been rejected, run into some who were different than I thought - though not to a bad extent - and those who seem desperate nad lonely for a girlfriend. Of course, I don't want to lose my new job, and I'm afraid of my boss feeling awkward around me, but I want him to be able to notice me and to be interested. Although it's a good thing, I'm afraid that he won't want any kind of relationship transcending work. So, my job is both a blessing and a curse.Help!! What do I do?!?!?! If it weren't so important a thing for me to have a job in the first place, then I would quit and then visit the place often with the sole purpose of running into him and engaging conversation, but he could feel awkward even then if I came across the wrong way without knowing it. I want to be good friends with him, but I don't know how, with my attraction in the way. I was trying to think of how I became friends with my female buddies, but I feel pathetic having to think out all what I did to gain their attention and think about being friends with me. I don't know what to do!
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female
reader, JackieW0719 +, writes (2 October 2010):
 First off, a workplace relationship with your boss can cast doubt as to your qualifications and on any future promotions etc. that you may acquire once it's known that you are in a relationship with your boss. Flirting with him can make him uncomfortable and may cause you to be sacked since it can be construed as sexual harassment in the workplace.
It is not unnatural that one might be attracted to their boss, no different than being attracted to one's psychiatrist and so forth. The key is to realize that it is a temporary phase.
Say you did get involved with him and it doesn't last. Are you prepared to deal with the gossip and rumors that can and will happen? Are you prepared to deal with the damage to your credibility? Most companies will not allow one spouse or significant other to supervise the other. You may also be sacked if things go south and it causes undue harm to your company.
I recommended that you realize that you found him attractive, appreciate that for what it is and move on. You'll be happier for it.
~Hugs~
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