| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've just got into a new relationship and we made it official. We've been together for 5 weeks but I'm feeling it's not right. I'm feeling more like a handbag used when needed. In the 5 weeks we've been together we've seen each other once. He has no children and still lives at home with his parents so no big commitments. He's cancelled on me twice already, he knows I get annoyed because his reason was 'he didn't feel up to meeting'.I like him so much but feel I'm the one putting all effort in. Do I ditch him and listen to my head or do I follow my heart? I'm not going to be a doormat for anyone. Do I just become not so easy to fit in and available so he does some of the chasing? Thanks
View related questions:
lives at home Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (27 November 2015):
 I'm drop him like a bad habit. No games or hard-to-get. Forget that!
Five weeks into a new relationship and there should be butterflies in both of your stomachs, lots of dates, lots of talking, and the thrill and sheer euphoria of a new relationship.
To see each other once in 5 weeks, and he's not on a business trip, or it's not long distance, or he's not deployed means he's an idiot and isn't into you.
Also given the fact that you're 30-35 and he's living the life of an overgrown teenager, and I've got to know what on earth you could possibly see in him?! Unless he's disabled or his parents are in his care in HIS house, he's not in any sort of arrangement that shows purpose.
He has no kids. He lives with his parents (you didn't mention an age difference, so unless he's 18 and in college, then what's he doing with his life?). If he was laid off and it's a temporary issue to get back on his feet, that's one thing, but the way you sound it (5 weeks at least!), it sounds like he's not doing anything.
I call that lack of ambition scraping the bottom of the barrel, and something only extremely desperate people would do. YOu don't seem that desperate, are you?
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (27 November 2015):
Having a new relationship just doesn't fit with seeing someone only once in five weeks unless he lives on a different continent. But living only 10 minutes apart??? Sorry, there is no relationship here...really, you can't even ditch him because you've never been attached.
I'm more worried about you having the illusion that you actually have a relationship with this fellow. On that part I'm baffled and don't know what to tell you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2015): I'm the op , I never said I had been chatting online. We've been on a few dates before agreeing to be an official couple and since we became official 5 week ago we have only met up once. No we haven't slept together yes we text everyday and we live 10 minutes from each other
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (27 November 2015):
 Always follow your head.
Frankly, I don't know how this could have been made official after only one meeting, regardless of how often you spend chatting online.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2015): im the op, when i mean we have made it official i mean we have told people we are a couple . no we have not slept together .
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (27 November 2015):
 Stop chasing this guy, he is not worth it.
YOU are in the relationship, he is, well.. not really interested.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2015): Was not sure what you meant when you said you made it official. Having sex with someone does not make it official. It does not sound like he wants to move the relationship on, he got what he wanted.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2015): Does he work a lot? Does he have a car? I'd be surprised that he doesn't want to see/talk to you more as this is a new relationship.
Does he call/text you daily?
I would suggest for you to make plans To go to hang out and see if he's willing to go.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2015): If he was really in to you, he would want to see you regardless of how he is feeling. If someone said they are not up to seeing me I would feel really offended. The fact that he has cancelled on you twice should send alarm bells ringing.
May be you are making too much of an effort. Lay off and distance yourself for awhile. Test him. If he really has feelings for you, he will contact you. If after 2 or 3 months he has not contacted you, call its quits, change your number and move on with your life. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Don't be a door mat. He may be one of those guys who get pleasure out of treating women badly.
Good luck.
...............................
|
