A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 23 and like a guy who works in my office! We don't actually work togther, but it's not a big office so I see him all the time. He likes me, too, we've been talking all week while he's been out of town (on business, of all things). What's more, he's of a different race/ethnic background than me (I'm a white American, he's Sri Lankan) and a LOT shorter than me! (Sounds awkward, ya think?!).Anyway, the racial stuff doesn't bother me, yeah the short part makes me feel like a huge whale next to him, but the one part I am really scared about is that we work together. My job is so unbelievably important to me, I spend so much time here everyday, even if it does go well, I still have the nervous, distracted "butterflies in my stomach" feeling, which I cannot afford to have (literally) since my job is on the line. AND... what if we do date, it goes well, for a while, and we eventually let everyone know about "us," but then it goes bad and we break up... obviously the whole "broken heart" thing for me would really hurt, but I don't think I could stand people whispering about me and standing out so much in my place of work...I'm so nervous, though! I really do like him, and he likes me, we both value relationships so much and just have that "spark," which I haven't really felt for a long time...Many of my friends and family have said "don't do it," but how can you stop something once it's already kind of begun? I know I cannot stop the feelings that have already begun to grow... how can I not fall face first besides falling head over heels in this whole situation?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 April 2008):
 I will divide my answer in parts.
His being of a different race shouldn't matter. I'm not naïve and I know it matters to many people. But it shouldn't.
Your dating him is not your family's business at all. I don't think anyone would dispute that your family shouldn't tell you who you can date.
His being shorter shouldn't matter, either. Tall women are hot.
That said, I know that your family and many people would criticize you for dating a dark, short man. If you can't take that, you shouldn't date him. He is not going to change. He will be short and dark all of his life, and he will get older. He is also of a different culture, I guess, and that won't change.
That said, I think it's a bad idea to date anyone who works in the same place as you, for the very reasons you gave: if you break up, the workplace will become the battlefield.
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