A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy sometime back online. But, he lives out of town. We went out twice and then he went back home. The second time he was here I told him I didn't see us together but after a few weeks I started missing him. So, we continued to chat via text and on the phone a couple of times. I am still unsure of my feelings for him and don't know if I missed him or of *fantasy* of him. As I haven't been in a relationship for some time I don't know if I am just running scared or if our differences are what is truly causing me to hold back.One minute I am really into him and the next I think I should just tell him that I am not interested. But, he is a nice guy but that always isn't enough.I feel that we have been *disneyfied* and things should be perfect but as we age we know that isn't the case.He's coming to visit on Monday and I am starting to worry that I will be disappointed when I see him again (after 4 months). But, he told me I should just go with the flow. But, I think his feelings for me are much stronger!
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (25 December 2010):
 Long distance relationships do work, but are very hard.
Ask him what he would do to be with you more often, and ask yourself what you would do to be with him more often.
I can understand the distance. I don't know how far away he is from you distance wise. But you can maintain a long distance relationship and still find time for each other.
The real question is what would you do aside from the go with the flow issues. I mean are you looking for some kind of long term permanence, where he's available to you all the time? If that's what you need, then you have to be clear and up front about it.
Is he able to meet your needs? He may be into you, but some people are happy being in a committed relationship where they just never live together, but frequently spend time together. Just not all their time together.
In either event, you have to determine several factors for yourself: (1) how much time can he give you, as in f2f time? (2) can you stand being apart from him 4 months at a time? (3) what can he do to bring the two of you closer and have more time together, with greater frequency? (4) what can you do to remedy the situation? (5) how important is it to you to have a committed relationship under these circumstances?
He has to give you answers to. What are his goals? What is he looking for in this relationship?
No one can answer these questions. So when he comes to see you Monday why don't you start talking about the real side of the relationship. Yes there's some disneyfication that goes on in all relationships. Love can blind people to reality to be sure; and desperation or unmet needs sometimes have people looking the other way. However, since you have a realistic view of this situation, then inject it into your conversation on Monday.
A
female
reader, sassygirl87  +, writes (25 December 2010):
 Sometimes we think things will go a certain way but they turn out to be just the opposite. I am not suggesting that you WILL fall for this person. But as you said you are single then you can try going with the flow. Maybe, he might turn out to be the right one and if that does not happen then you always can refuse anything further. Just take it as it goes. But do not limit your options to just this guy. Meet new people and make new friends. If not him ....Mr.right might just be around the corner.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (25 December 2010):
 I'd go with the flow on this next date. If it is a dud, then its time to have the be friends talk. Go in with an open mind though.
It sounds like you are being honest with yourself though. If this doesn't pan out you'll need to find an outlet that you can meet men that you can fall in love with.
Good luck!
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