A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm so upset. And I knew something was wrong. It was like this guy was perfect, but too good to be true. So, hopefully I'm moving on with my life and trying to put the past behind me, well atleast my ex. So I met this guy and we've been talking. We have never met up or anything, I've decided that this time I would take things slow. I'm 17 and the guy is 19. We we're vybing good and all. Its been three days or maybe four since we've been talking and I like him a little. Not trying to get my hopes up and all. But just to check and remind myself of how this guy looks I go on his facebook page...drum roll please...he has a kid. And he's young. I confronted him about it today and he said that he's sorry that I had to find out that way (even though its posted almost all over his facebook). He also told me that he stays single because of his daughter and doesn't like to expose her to the world. He seems like a good father, and he wants to be in a relationship and so do I. Things are going great and all, but should I stop doing what I'm doing because he has a child. What if we eventually do get serious, someway somehow his little girl would be apart of my life too. And then I'm only 17..what am I doing? I'm young and should play the field. But I do like him a little. Should I let his child interfer of something that could become beautiful. Then there's another thing, the childs mother-will there be problems with that too?P.S- Remember I'm 17 and he's 19, just in case if I didn't say that enough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@rescuer,I totally agree.@Zayla80 I understand what you are trying to say, which is why I posted this up asking for advice. I was already aware of the things that you were saying. Obviously if I was into this guy and I found out,confronted him about it as well as talked to him about it meant that I wasn't going to do a "hit and run" just because he has a child. I was more looking for ppl who've experienced situations like this so I can get a heads up. As of now I'm just taking things slow..who knows if we'll have a future together. If we do I too would like to share that experience he has with his daughter and it can give me a heads up for when I decide to have children of my own.I didn't mean to sound selfish, if I did in anyway. It just means that because a child is involved I would have to be certain,sure and present.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): You can not begin to think that you can have a healthy relationship with a person who has a child and NOT want anything to do with his child. If you are even thinking in this way you ARE NOT relationship material for this sort of situation nor will you make a good parent. If you take one, you take all when it relates to a person who has a child. Don't go into this situation thinking this guy should put you before his own daughter--THAT IS NOT THE WAY THINGS WORK WHEN KIDS ARE INVOLVED. At least someone is thinking right in this situation and that is the father of the child...he is doing the right thing by choosing to remain single for fear that women might not accept his daughter...which appears to be the case with you.
Don't sit up and lead this man on...the fact that you are asking this question is a clear indication that deep down inside, you don't want to have anything to do with the child although you may want to date the father. If you get serious with this guy, you will start to neglect and reject the child which will cause friction between you and the father of the child. You are only 17 yrs old so you probably don't understand just how serious this situation is. Don't go into this thinking that things will get better, that you will come to accept the child one day---if you don't accept the child TODAY then you should NOT and I repeat should NOT date or start anything serious with this guy or any other guy who has a child.
I feel sorry for children who's parents end up dating, being in relationships or marrying a person who does not accept the child thus treating the child like pure crap simple because, the child isn't their own.
My advice to you would be to stay away from this guy. Besides, you should be focused on school and making something out of yourself....not on a relationship.
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