A
female
age
30-35,
*eganRivers
writes:My lab partner in my chemistry lab is probably one of the best looking guys I've ever met. The problem is that he doesn't appear, on the surface, to care about anything. He goes to lectures hungover, currently drunk or, on a few occasions, clearly high -- that is if he even goes to the lectures. I got the impression that he was just a dumb pretty boy jock, until exams came around, and the top scores (and who got those scores) were posted. His calculus exam mark? 104 out of 100 (doesn't even make sense). Number of lectures he went to? Maybe five. It was a brutal exam. It was a similar story for chemistry and physics.So, clearly he's far from stupid, but he drinks/parties really irresponsible (and I say this as someone who drinks a fair bit) and has tendency to put other guys in their place if they annoy him...his fists may occasionally become involved in that process...as his annoyed soccer coach will attest to. He'd probably be kicked off the varsity team if he wasn't so good. At the same time, he's really sweet: he brings me tea when I'm studying, helps people in the library with math, and regularly volunteers in a soup kitchen (although he's oddly defensive about it, like it's something he's embarrassed about)...I know his mom died a few years ago, but so did my best friend's mom, and she doesn't act like he does.Before I left for Christmas, we had a really long chat (5 - 6 hours) in his dorm, and he left the neanderthal stuff at the door (thank god). He was funny, charming and genuine. It almost felt like he was trying to show me what he's really like when he takes off his tough guy exterior...he looked almost vulnerable. I was impressed with what he's really like and there was a moment when I looked into his eyes, and could tell he wanted to kiss me...I broke off and said I had to go...even though I really, really, REALLY wanted to kiss him.I'm just not sure what I'd be signing myself up for.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 Haha I love this guy... he's a textbook mystery man that girls usually go for... so youre not sure if youre gonna get the asshole OR the guy you saw in his dorm? His behavior seems unpredictable and that sounds risky. There's a reason why you didnt wanna kiss him right then and there and it doesnt like nervousness or lack of confidence. When youre not sure of the package youre getting, you hesitate to receive it so I think its clear you have conscience about him. What have your other instincts told you about him? His anger issues on the soccer field doesnt sound good. I wouldnt compare it to my constructive issues I deal with in the gym but his actions seem to have a consequence because of his approach. Thats for sure a red flag. What if he loses it on you? Some things to think about.
A
female
reader, mdttjulie  +, writes (29 December 2011):
Get to know him. Perhaps if he spends more time with you he will not have time for those irresponsible habits or smoking/drinking? However, remember you cannot change a man. So do not think about trying. I suggest you be careful with your heart while you find out if there is more to him than what you see on the exterior.
HOLD OFF on the physical stuff.
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