A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This Christmas was not any different to any other. In fact it was not much different to any other day except they did buy me presents and there are a lot more people. Christmas Eve i prepare all of the vegetables, stuff the turkey and put it in the oven to cook over night.Mum and Dad had already started drinking that morning and their friends came over and joined in the free booze up that my parents always provide. By 4 oclock they were already falling over and making fools of themselves. People started leaving and i just started clearing up the mess they left behind. Mum and Dad were both out for the count, i put a bowl next to mum's chair because i know from past experience what is going to happen when she wakes up. The recycling bin is already full of bottles and cans but the neighbours are good and we always share each others on collection day if there is room so i just bag everything. I vacuum the floors and makes a start in the kitchen. I cannot stand cooking in a dirty kitchen so i clean and mop before i make my self something to eat. Then i started Christmas dinner, Christmas day would be a lot worse because all the family come over to us. Dads starts to wake up anout 9 pm and gets another drink. Smiles when he sees everything i had done and says thanks Son. Mum wakes up and makes a beeline for the toilet, thankfully she makes it there in time. Then joins Dad with another drink. Then they start sorting out presents into family groups. I just say goodnight and go to bed, They will both be unmoveable come morning. i set my alarm so that i wake up 3 times to check how the turkey is cooking. Come morning i get up Mum and Dad are both in bed still fully dressed, mums on her back so i roll her onto her side. Downstairs i clean up again, more bottles. I have no intention of waking them up unless the rest of the family arrive early. Once i had cleaned up i started opening my presents. i already know what they are because i bought them all online using Dads credit card. He tells me how much i can spend and just leaves me to it. I also buy the presents for the rest of the family as well for them. Everything we buy we buy online they hate shopping and just leave it all to me. Only thing they get involved in is buying the drinks and of course making sure they are delivered when they are home. Delivery driver took all the drinks back one day because i was home alone. Dad really flipped and i honestly thought he was going to have a heart attack he was that mad. Not at me though at the store he had ordered the drinks from. £300 worth of drinks and he had to walk to the store and collect them. took them both 3 trips just for the drinks. They do not drink much during the week when they are both working but as soon as it is Friday they are out of it until Monday. They both get up about 12, i cook them some baocn and eggs which they eat thankfully but not before getting themselves a drink each. Mum tries to help me in the kitchen constantly praising me but i just want her out of the way so i can get on. I know they are trying not to drink as much today because of family coming round for dinner. i also know what will happen once the family get here. It will be a free for all. People start to arrive about 3pm and thats when the drinking really starts. I just want to get this over with before they fall over. We sit down at 4 and people help me with the table. I keep having to take drinks away from my cousins telling them if i catch them doing it again i will lock them in my room. People wont even know i have done it because everybody will be too drunk to care. Dinner is over by 6 but everyone is still drinking. I ate mine in the kitchen not enough chairs to seat 14 people. I get my cousins to help me clear up, mainly so they cannot sneak anymore drink behind my back. I know they have had a few already. Mum and Dad are asleep my 9 and everybody starts to leave. I just clear everything away. Already have a recycling bin full of bottles and a bag from the day before. Now i have another 3 bags. I put a bowl next to mums chair and i go to bed. Not much different to a normal day except there are a lot more people and i get presents. I cannot wait for school to start again so i can get some rest.I posted this on another site but the response i got was not helpful at all. Basically some one told me i did to much and let them live in their own mess. I have to live there too and i do love my parents. there is a lot more to our lives then what i have written. Maybe i should tell you if you really need to know but honestly i would just like your oppinion on my situation. Telling my whole story would take time because it is hard to think when tears and emotions take over.
View related questions:
christmas, cousin, drunk, neighbour Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): I am staying with my Uncle for the time being. I phoned childline ,wish i had not because so much is happening i feel lost. People are talking about me but not too me which is really annoying. I want to be at home.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (31 December 2011):
 hi,
Tisha is correct - i know you don't see yourself as a child. But legally you are until you reach the 'age of majority' in UK.
The link Tisha gave you is a really good link in UK.
And I know the page takes a while to load - but have faith as they can really help you. Here is the 24 hour phone line for childline. . .08001111. . . .
Please do phone them - it's a free call.
Thank you for adding me as a friend. (that's my guess - but I think i'm right?)
Please feel free to ask as many questions on DearCupid as you need.
There is a lot of good support here.
And you are very welcome to ask as often as you need..
When you have good support in place it may be that those in charge of providing you that support may also be able to encourage your parents to get the help to deal with their addictions
And yes, please do let the DC Aunts and Uncles know how you doing and how you are doing.
Because you have been put under intolerable stress. And it is wrong to do that to a guy your age.
Best wishes
Abella
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 December 2011):
 Did you look at the Childline hotline as well? You can ring and actually speak to someone who can help you find the resources that will get you the care you need. Please make that call and report back.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): Friday 20:00Location: New Bridges House, Birkdale Way, Hull, Yorkshire, HU9 2BH England Disabled accessNotes: Off Newbridge Road. This meeting now meets every week.Do not i will make it today but i have a numberThank you
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): Abella. i think i answered yes to every question on that link. I am looking, i am tired and i am scared
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 December 2011):
This is an intolerable situation for you to be in and you are not getting the support you need and deserve and are entitled to.I grew up in an alcoholic household and choosing to never drink alcohol was a direct result of all that I endured. Besides the good link that Tisha offered you it is time to speak to another relative and also consider a visit to your nearest Citizen's Advice Bureau in the UK.Another support option is this group in the UK. You may not be able to reach them due to public holidays but reach out to them as soon as you can. You need a whole Support group looking out for your needs. what your parents are doing is making you far too vulnerable and it is wrong. And unsupportive. Here is the link:http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alateenFor Alateen meetings, phone the General Service Office on 020 7407 0215"Alateen was started in 1957 by a teenager in California whose father was in AA and whose mother was in Al-Anon".
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): My Uncle comes today, his yearly duty as he puts it last year. He spent all his time with me last year, think he knew how unhappy i was and i lied to him. Think it is time i stop lying, i am tired of crying alone.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 December 2011):
Please contact Childline for help and local resources than can help you cope with this situation. Sorry to hear your parents are not able to be parents in any sort of healthy or responsible way. Get help now, please go to http://www.childline.org.uk and get in contact with a trained person who can help you navigate this awful situation. Best wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 December 2011):
 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE contact an adult that can help you... get some HELP some support... you need to take care of YOU since MOM and DAD cannot.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): I am staying in bed today, we are not expecting anybody. Almost out of drink and i have put a big note on the door. PLEASE DON'T. My eyes are tired if that makes sense, i woke up with wet eyes and i do not think they will dry anytime soon.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): I wish I could give you a huge hug. Please go and tell your doctor whats going on. He can help you, start to put things in motion. You cannot cope alone with all this trauma,your a child.
I have a family member that drinks, her daughters immense loyalty to her mum has torn her apart,she drinks now too,doesn't work,just looks after her mum and house when needed. Her other child whos 9 lives with his Dad now and is so much happier..he told his school what life was like after they noticed his unhappiness,they put things in motion, and social services moved him out in weeks..He visits his mum once a week but won't stay over night.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): Thank you very much for answering. I totally feel your pain. So , you are not only dealing with your parents alcoholism, but with a terrible trauma. Did your little brother die in this accident?I'm so glad, that you are asking for support. You can't do this alone.Do you have any chance to get into therapy?Please answer, and I tell you more.Lot's of hugs.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): We were on holiday, Dad was driving i think do not remember. It could of been Mum. Thats it, that is all i remember. I also lost my brother for a while but when i remember him i screamed, i remember screaming. sorry
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): I'm also very sorry about your situation. That is such a tragedy . - Do you think your parents started to drink , because of your brother's death? - How did your brother die? - Do you think your parents blame themselves too? I think are incredibly brave and mature person. But nobody can possibly understand your pain, only a professional counselor, or someone who is in the same situation, like you. It is beyond understanding. I understand your pain, because I was dealing with grief and addiction issues of my loved one. It can torment any soul, and you feel very lonely. Please tell me more about this situation, I would be very happy to help and share. Take care of yourself please, and get into individual therapy, as soon as possible. Ask a social worker for help.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): You seriously need to tell someone. Not only is it damaging your relationship with your parents but it will have a huge impact on your life. You are way too young to have to put up with this kind of responsibility. You are under 16 so still under their care and they are not caring for you.
Is there anyone you can tell? Maybe a teacher or a friend that you trust? Whatever, you need to talk to someone about it. You don't need to get your parents into trouble but having someone that is not involved with it personally behind you may help.
Also you need to talk to your parents. You don't need to get aggressive with them but talk to them and be honest. If they know how you feel, you can help to tackle this problem as a family
Hope that you can sort this out together
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 December 2011):
you are too young to have to be so responsible... much like my fiance was at your age and younger and now at 38 he pretty much tries to have the childhood he never had...
is there somewhere else you can go and live?
grandparents?
aunts
uncles?
friends?
worse case, get the government involved and find a foster family...
i understand you want to have Christmas but stop rowing the boat and enabling your family
can you go to Al-Anon meetings for support... they will teach you how to take care of YOURSELF without taking care of your parents... by taking care of them you help enable them to be self-destructive.
the advice to NOT take care of your parents is actually good and healthy for you....
...............................
A
female
reader, TeenageDreamgirl +, writes (29 December 2011):
 Hi, I'm so sorry for all that your parents have put you through. You're only a teenager, and you should be having fun and being with friends and family around Christmas. Please, contact Alchoholics Anonymous. They can get your parents help. I hope everything will work out.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): I lost my little brother four years ago. I know i was only 10 at the. I know everybody blames my parents ( i hear what people say when they are drunk ). Me, i cannot blame my parents, i really do not remember what happened. I just know that day half of my soul was torn away from me and the other half is lost.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Much as you obviously love your parents, sadly they are alcoholics and you are unwittingly an enabler. You are trying to cope in an impossible situation and for your own good, you do need support. Alcoholics Anonymous have a free contact number and they help family members affects by alcoholism. Please do contact them for advice. You cant cope alone with your parents problem and it is unacceptable that you should have to do so in these enlightened times. Seek help.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): "Tears and emotions take over" I feel you have left a lot out and there is so much more then just having parents who drink. Your Family outside of your parents do not seem to help as well. Maybe you should look for help outside of your family. Talk to a teacher or even your best friends parents, it is so hard to talk and much easier to write (so glad your writing this though because it can help). You need help but your parents need help as well. "Thanks son" no abusive Father would say that. It is there in the back of their minds that they are misbehaving, something is wrong and they know it. They just cannot admit it. Maybe if you posted your whole story people could help more. Half a story is like a half truth who do we beleive.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Why not arrange to go to somebody elses for christmas next year? If you have a big family - let them have a turn, at least it will save the work you have to do for all the adults.I would work towards that.
Your parents sound very social and as with all drinkers,very selfish. The 'friends' who join them must love it, all that free drink and no expense or tidying up to do!
It doesn't solve the rest of the years antics though, I am sure they know it affects you..you need to talk to them when they are sober,.. and you also need to talk to a counseller or another family member, this lifestyle will bring you down.The good thing is you realise it's a rubbish way to live and won't want to follow in their footsteps.A drinker will only be able to help themselves when thay realise their problem, and your parents haven't got there yet.
You will be at least be able to leave home soon and lead your own life.
...............................
|
