A
male
age
30-35,
*boy
writes:Lately, I think I've fallen for this girl in my class at college. We talk all the time, and we even go to the gym after class together sometimes...so we get a bit of alone time to talk each week.The thing is she has a boyfriend who I've only seen in pictures through facebook but never met, and she hardly ever mentions him to me (she did once very quickly in passing). I'm very confused and would like to know what I should do. I've been feeling very down about this of late...she's the only real girl I've connected with like this in a year. Should I let her know how I feel or should I move on? If I do let her know how I feel how do I do it?
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facebook, has a boyfriend, move on, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): Man-to-Man here: What would the heroes of the past do? They would confidently go for the girl they wanted! Life is too short not to. Women often don't know what they want. They often keep a boyfriend as a place holder or to ward off advances. Online profiles mean nothing - ignore that crap. Talk to her in person. Be better than the so-called "boyfriend" (in a manly way). Have your own life and adventures to tell her about. Make her laugh!
If a girl isn't engaged to be married or doesn't live with the guy then she is still single in the eyes of God and the law. Be competitive. All is fair in love and war. Be the man about it. Be tough, but polite.
Don't tell her you like her, but rather hang out with her and get closer over time. Look deeply in her eyes and hold her gaze, make her laugh, maker her jealous, tease her, and make her miss you. Build some trust with her. Physically, move in slowly over time - watch for your openings to get physical. Don't rush it and don't second guess your efforts. Don't care too much.
Never discuss her boyfriend - if she mentions him say he sounds like a "really nice guy" and then mention that you are planning on doing XYZ this weekend. Act like you assume she likes you (be confident). When the moment is right make a physical move (sit right next to her so you can feel her warmth - make her nervous). Make a move if you are alone together and physically close.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2009): How about saying to her something like 'do you have a boyfriend". If she says 'yes' say something like 'he is a lucky guy". This leaves the situation open to either stay friends or gives her something to think about (without too much embarrassment).
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A
male
reader, bboy +, writes (24 June 2009):
bboy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for answering. I'm still really in a bind over this, but I really appreciate all of your insights.
I guess my real problem is that I don't know how things are going with her boyfriend since I've never really seen them together. I don't really know how she feels about me compared to him from our interactions. Maybe I'd be best off just asking her how she felt?
The thing I need most is clarity. I don't want to waste my feelings for her if I'm not sure if she wants to be with me.
Thanks again, and feel free to follow up some more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): From the answers here provided by everyone....all with very good points, I guess you will see 2 choices. Either you tell her or don't.
I'm with telling her. But tell her when you have your head clear and thoughts collected. I don't know if you are but you should mentally prepare yourself for a let down. With that, remaining friends if possible would seem awkward for a while but is possible.
Or maybe she says she likes you too! But I would insist that she break up with her bf before going out with her....cheating aint cool and that is something that will bite your butt later on.
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A
female
reader, laura585  +, writes (24 June 2009):
That's a tough one. I would probably say just stay friends with her. Maybe she feels that you like her and doesn't mention him because she thinks it would bum you out. It's possible that she likes you too but doesn't want to take the step into "cheating" and isnt quite ready to call it off with her boyfriend. It may put her in awkward situation by telling her you like her, it may tarnish the friendship you have. It's really your choice but I would say don't go for it unless the boyfriend is out of the picture completely. But really, do whatever your heart is telling you. It could be that she is with the wrong guy, you never know.
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A
female
reader, angelsrock18 +, writes (24 June 2009):
 i think you should let her know how you feel.
i mean maybe she has feeling's for you back? you never know it's worth a try. keeping everything inside will never let you know the truth and be miserable. if she doesn't like you back, then let her be, and jsut be friend's, but tell her everything you feel, but don't creep her out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): well first off somegirls dont tell slash brag about there boyfriends to other guy friends of theres..its kinda being a polite lady thing..trust me be happy she dont brag..second off think about what might happen if u told her? would she feel uncomfortable around u?
u should ask how her and the boy are doing..see what she shows u verbally and by a vibe.. if its iffy then tell her u got something u want to tell her and dont know how to..
do this by urselfs..maybe at a park or something so she dont feel trapped.. tell her ur feelings and tell her u dont want things to feel akward or diff but u thought she should know...and if all else fails hang with her more and more one on one and see where it goes..
im in same boat with a boy i know how it is..
good luck and smile things change everyday
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): let her know how you feel. i think she likes you too. Its obvious because she feels awkward telling you about her bf. And i think she doesnt even wanna be with her bf anymore. tell her how you feel that you really like her and wanna be with her. But let her make the decision to choose either you or her bf. Dont force her. and dont force yourself.
Hope it helps!
~A friend~
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (24 June 2009):
 I think that you should move on. She probably likes the attention that you give her, but quickly mentioned her bf to let you know that she is taken and will remain faithful to him. Otherwise, why would she mention him at all? You can stay friends with her if you have enough self-control, but maybe you can start to talk to another female and get closer to them instead.
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