A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok im in a massive mess. i started talking to this 16 year old going on 17 online a few days ago. we got on straight away and instantly clicked. we organised to meet one day this week. we spoke about sex and i told her that im a virgin. she was understanding and she she said that maybe we should meet up and who knows we could have sex together if nobody was in her house.i told her that id ring in sick to work today so i could spend most of the day with her. we didn't have sex due to her mother being in the house so we walked around and just got talking to one another. we sat down and because it was cold we cuddled and then we embraced in a kiss and after that we held hands all the way back to where i had to go we kissed goodbye etc. and then we were texting and she told me she thinks she is falling in love with me. nobody has ever said that to me before.problem is i like her personality its just i don't seem to find her attractive i think shes ok but theres nothing there for me we are planning on meeting on thursday and she says we'll have sex if im up for it and i just feel like i want her for sex? i just feel like im really shallow and i feel absolutely dreadfull that im feeling all of this i just don't know what to do.i don't want to break her heart although she does have an ex bf who cheated on her and she broke up with him 6 months ago and he thinks they're still going out as she has 10 missed calls from him today when i was with her and she told me he even came round to her house afterwards. im a mess idk what to feel or what to do? please help thanks x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2012): If your not attracted to someone it's not going to work out. I know this because my best friend who's a boy has fancied me for ages but I'm not attracted to him and as much as I've tried to like him I just can't . You have to be attracted to someone ! and why is she just offering you sex? Maybe she's just using you for sex! No one wants that. If she's offering it to you after meeting only a couple of times I'd say she's bad news. If your a virgin you want to loose it to someone special don't just throw it away because someone's offering it. Be true to yourself. Don't use her and don't allow her to use you.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 Just tell her the truth that you don't see yourself with her. It'll seem hard now but the reason you are feeling in such a mess is because you have got yourself in a situation you don't want to be in. She's falling for you and as you can't return the favor, time to end the romantic fantasy she's having. It may sting for a bit but she'll bounce back sooner if you don't lead her on too much longer.
You feel how you feel, you can't help that. You can, however, choose your actions. Act like a decent guy and let her down now, it'll just get harder if you get more romantically intertwined with her. She's built a whole fantasy around the two of you and it will be better for her to learn the truth now.
I've been that girl (not the meeting up for sex part) and while it hurts at the time, the being told the truth is better than being lied to.
Act with integrity. Off you go, be brave.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 January 2012):
 you must tell her the truth that you don't find her attractive that way... it will hurt her but it's better for you
also if she already said she thinks she's falling in love after one visit... be careful... sounds like she has no clue what it's really about and she wants company and love and the physical closeness a boyfriend brings.
she knows in her heart that having sex with a boy just to make him close is wrong so she has to convince herself she is falling in love with you.
do not sleep with her... you will break her heart worse than if you just tell her the truth now.
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