A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:So it's the end of my first year at university and I realise that I like this girl on my course. She's a year younger than me, but I deferred last year to take some time out and do other things.I've only known her for about five months. The other months for me were plagued with personal issues, which derailed my progress and caused me to play catch-up until the very last day of the assignment deadline.I plucked the courage, talked to her, and soon enough I joined her group of friends. We know each other pretty well (in a group of six) and hang out whenever we can, despite being scattered across different places which makes it difficult to meet-up regularly. Particularly since our first year is over.The difficulty is that she is in a LTR with someone else, and has been for the last two years or so from what I have gathered. Moreover, it seems fairly obvious that one of the guys in this friendship group (four guys, two girls) seems interested in her. Or at least it comes off that way.Anytime that he goes to get something, he asks if she wants anything herself. More often than not, she says no. He also walks her to the station anytime he can. He even bought her a £50 ticket for an end-of-year party at our university. I think it's obvious.He's a cool guy and we're good friends. He has my back, and I his. But from the outset it's been obvious to me that he wants to be with her. This is all despite having pursued another girl who is on our course, but turned him down unfortunately.I like her, clearly. However I can't just start flirting with her and attempt to initiate a relationship when she is with someone else. Particularly when they have been together longer than I have known her.So, what can I do? If I wait until she breaks up with him, it's more than likely that she will not go out with me like the other guy is seemingly trying to, because she will see me as just a friend.I haven't hit on her, intimated that I am interested. But I don't want to be a homewrecker. All I know is that I would like to be with her if possible.Is it worth waiting? I don't know, I just need advice.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 May 2015):
 So BE her friend. Don't have ulterior motives when making friends, it usually backfires or worse ruins a friendship.
Having a crush on someone happens, we have all BEEN there, but that doesn't MEAN the other person feels the same way or that you (general you) should pursue that person (specially NOT if they have a partner already).
If you are looking for a GF she isn't it. As for your friend, he isn't acting any better, he seems to think spending money on her will make her interested. That is not a great attitude. You CAN'T buy a woman's affections.
Maybe you should expand your horizon when it comes to girls? You obviously know what you like, I doubt she is the ONLY girl on campus who could be interesting/interested.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): [OP]@WiseOwlE I'm sorry if I come across someone who is immature. I'm not. I sincerely just wanted to know if there is any way around it.Clearly there is not, and I will move on. My original intentions were, undeniably, to see if she was available. But as time progressed, it was clearly not the case. That is fine.I respect her relationship, and dare not tamper with it. I value her friendship more than anything, and to jeopardise it would be a serious mark on my character. So again, understand it from someone who is glad to have a group of friends like this because, if I didn't, I wouldn't have a hint of a chance at making second year.@HoneyPie I'm not going to be that homewrecker. I don't want to be, and understand the caution that comes with it. I'm not that sort of person. I will get over this crush.I get it. I sound like I'm a vulture. But I'm not. It hurts me to know that this is how I am viewed. Which is why I've had to profusely defend myself. Nevertheless, thanks for the insight.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 May 2015):
She has a BF and THUS she should be off limits.
I have to say it's a REAL douche-bag move befriending a girl and then hoping her relationship falls apart so you can swoop in, talk about vulture behavior.
Focus on your education. IF you can BE her friend do so, but don't pretend to be her friend so you can get a try. I wonder if you are doing this because it's "easier" to chase after an unavailable girl, than those WHO are single and available...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): You keep interrupting your education, and you seem very distracted from it. Taking time away, letting personal issues derail your schoolwork, and now competing with your best bud over some female! Who is involved already with some other guy?!! Dude...seriously?!!
No! You shouldn't wait for a girl who is already committed to another guy. She's unavailable, and your friend is setting himself up to get rejected once again. He knows you're interested; and he's having a pissing-contest with you to see who gets her first.
You've already got problems pulling you from your studies. All you need is a broken-heart; and a wrecked friendship to top it all off. Realistically, how long are you willing to wait for someone who isn't even aware you're interested? If she is, she would have to breakup and get-over her ex first.
I think you should concentrate on getting those "personal issues" you had under control; so they will not flair-up the next semester.
Furthermore; I think you should go after females who are not committed to another guy; especially in an ongoing "long-term relationship." Being a home-wrecker will make you a dick! I think you should stop competing with your buddy over a girl; because that's how good friendships get destroyed.
You need to practice some maturity, be focused on your education; and date single-girls who are emotionally available. Don't compete with your bro (and her boyfriend) over the same woman. That's totally uncool! You friend is asking for trouble, scheming behind her boyfriend's back! Then you'll want to get into it to help your friend; if he gets himself into a brawl with a jealous boyfriend. Do you not see the potential for drama here?
Waiting, is hoping her relationship fails. Are you a man of character, or a jerk?
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A
male
reader, Crazysecret  +, writes (25 May 2015):
 I know that feeling. You know the right thing to do. Also if she does fool around with you until she breaks up with her bf what do you think she'll be doing once she dates you? Food for though
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