A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 14, female, and bi. My close friend, who is also a female has been changing her mind with me for the past 7 months. She's said that she might have feelings for me, then takes it back. We've kissed before (my first kiss) thats when I first started getting feelings for her. Anyway, two weeks ago on a wednesday I was really flirting with her and she could tell and I then started to lean in to kiss her, but stopped myself. She said "haha, what were you gonna do?" and I just said "nothing". As we were getting ready to leave to take me home, before she went out her bedroom door I stopped her and said "wait", then kissed her. She smiled and I said "I did not just do that..." She acted like herself on the way to drop me off. So there wasn't any awkwardness or anything. Now, last weekend I was with her and one of my best friends. The girl I like told my best friend that she wouldn't mind if I kissed her to figure out if she has feelings for me, so way later that night I was messing around with her, like flirting and stuff. I grabbed her, and pulled her back towards me then kissed her, she kissed me back. We ended up making out. The next day she said "it was sorta awkward and made me realize we're best as friends". I was very upset, just cause she kissed me back. I really thought maybe she figure out that she liked me...how could she keep doing this to me? I don't understand...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, MrReasonable +, writes (23 April 2010):
Dear Anonymous, What a difficult situation you find yourself in! Having a relationship with a close friend can be tricky because there is much more at risk than with someone where the relationship started with just intimate interest. It sounds to me like your friend, like everyone else, is trying to understand what she's feeling. Often times feelings can be complex and difficult to understand. They also have a tendency to sway to some degree one way or the other. With that said, if this person is a close friend, then I would highly suggest that you let them know how you feel and let them make their decision without pressing it any further. If you respect their decision, they will really respect you in return, and it may actually sway their feelings back towards possibly dating in the future. If they're not interested in being more than friends, and that relationship is important to you, then it may be to your benefit to allow enough room for you to continue to be friends and if she changes her mind, then you can look into something more intimate. Finally, there is one last option. If it is too difficult for you to continue being just friends with her because of the way you feel, you can either press for romance and take some time apart. Taking some time apart may help her to better discern what it is that she really wants. She may just be saying that because she needs time to think and telling you that she just wants to be friends could give her time to better understand her feelings without getting too involved and potentially hurting you. Also, spending some time apart may help you to regain control of some of your feelings and allow your relationship to return to a more neutral place where the possibility of any future becomes more realistic. Think about these options and decide what's best for you. -Mr. Reasonable
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