A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi, I have a bit of a problem with my girlfriend...I can't remember the last time I went a night without seeing her. It was probably about 8 days ago now. I'm the kind of guy who likes time alone, or in the company of guys (this is common, right?) My girlfriend doesn't seem to understand that. She's a bit of an opposite there. She likes being with company at all hours of the day.Saturday night I was working until 8pm, and she was going out with friends. Being a gentleman I offered her a lift in the early hours since it was a celebratory night out (her birthday was the following day). She accepted, and I ended up picking her up at 3:30 in the morning. The next day was her birthday and she had to get up to see her parents at about 10am. While there she decided she wanted to spend a day in the countryside. We had a lovely day together. I can honestly say it was one of the best days of my life... though, with only a few hours sleep and a hell of a lot of walking, it felt like one of the longest too!Yesterday I gave her a lift home from university and she offered to cook me dinner if I stayed over for the night. I wanted a night to myself, but she twisted my arm and I stayed over. But the same thing happened again tonight, and she didn't seem happy at all that I didn't want to stay over and spend yet another night with her. Worse yet, she made a point that if I didn't stay over tonight, I wouldn't see her tomorrow because I'm going out with friends to celebrate the end of exams, she was "probably" going out on Thursday and Friday, so I wouldn't see her until the weekend. I know her, and this is a blatant guilt trip, but is that really fair on me??I do so much for her, and I make an effort to see her, even whenever I don't entirely want to, but I do it to make her happy. But it seems like anytime I want to do something else with my evening instead of seeing her, she gets moody with me. I've tried talking to her, but she doesn't seem to understand that I like time to be alone. What should I do? How should I handle this situation?
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female
reader, joejoe16 +, writes (23 February 2010):
just tell her you need some time to be on your own for a while. everybody needs quiet time or a night in she will understand xxxxx then after u have stayed in for a while take her out for a meal or invite her round to yours and have a night in watching films or something good luck.
A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (23 February 2010):
 You say you're doing it 'even when you don't really want to' and it's 'just to make her happy'. You should be doing things because you want to and only when you want to. I know relationships aren't always about getting what you want but they are definitely not about doing a whole load of things you don't want to.
Talking to her obviously didn't work but if ur truly unhappy with the way things are then tell her they're going to change. Don't let her guilt trip you into it. If it really is a guilt trip, then to be honest she'll probably give in and see u over the next few days.
It could also be because she FEELS like you don't want to spend time with her (even though you do physically spend time with her) and this is making her hold on tighter to you, like a reflex, because she's worried you won't willingly come back.
And if it IS true that you won't see her thursday friday etc. then maybe she was genuinely just saying that not seeing u for two or three days is a bit too long for her to go without seeing u? U shud feel kinda flattered, but some attention can feel like an over load so i understand :)
You need to be firm and serious and tell her how you want things to be. You obviously have different views on how the relationship is and what makes each other happy. And you should try to come to a compromise. Otherwise how can you continue in a relationship where you're unhappy and feeling smothered?
A lot of people like an evening or two alone without their partner/friends etc but I'm like your girlfriend in a way.(at least i was! but then my bf moved away to uni so i see him ... not very often! and it actually makes me wish i hadn't taken the amount of time i spent with him for granted :( anyway. i digress.) I adore my bf and i would spend every second of every day with him if thats what we both wanted but then we'd grate on each others nerves just a little! So giving each other space is really important, and it's also important that you're both secure enough in the relationship to know that you can love each other and be in a relationship and live your own lives too.
If having alone time is important to you, you have to make her see that and she should respect it. And if not, you'll have to ask yourself, if it wont ever change... can you really handle constantly being around her? You do lots of things for her, so she should give you a little space if that's all you're asking for. Space would probably actually make you appreciate each other a lot more and have a better time together! Havin time to miss each other is important! :)
Sorry for the long answer! Hope i helped a little. x
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