| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, I have a problem. This is a whole long story and I hope I get some rational advice. You see, i was with this gal "J" for over a time frame of 9 months, then one fine day, I cought her cheeting on me when I went to by her a dress as a suprise. She told me she was out for dinner with family...but at the mall as I purchased her dress, I saw her linggering wioth another guy. All I did at that moment, was stare from afar with tears loading all over me. At that time, all I wanted to do was go over and blow my head off...but thanks to my patiencs and humbleness, I called her just to see where she was, (as I noticed her answerting the call) she walked away from that guy and said she was with her parents, having dinner and that she will see me a lil later. Divastated, I acknwoledged her and as she walked back in that restaurant, I walked straight towards her and handed her the gift I bought her...with a big smile not wanting to let things go. I loved her from my heart but I could never accept the fact of a lie as I did and gave in everything for her. However, after that, I called it quits with her....the sad thing is..despite everything I did, she never retaliated on an appologie nor a chance. That hurt me even more coz I never knew where I went wrong for her to do this.It took me a year and a half to get over her...and at the meantime...I went on a date spree...I dated tons of women not wanting to get into anything as I lost the faith in a relationship untill I found "S" and some how or rather I opened up to her and I honestly fell in love with her. During this time frame, I did keep in touch with "J" and told her that the past is past and my love for you was pior and if ever u needed anything, I would be there for you.Me and "S" has been rocking for the past 4 months now, but recently "J" called me in asking for help...she got robbed and all her money was stolen and stuff was stolen. At that time, I was in a moment with "S" but my heart did not allow me any peace.I went over to her place and gave her a huge sum of money for her to hold up till her next wage. I did not bother asking of the new guy or anthing like that. At that moment, she hugged me so tight and cried stating that she regreted everything she did to me and said she was dumb to throw me away. The sad thing is, when I had her in my arms, my heart stopped, it was a feeling I never had with another woman. I teared myself as I could not bear seing her this way but then again, the fear still remained in me as after she dumped me the first time, I was under sevior depression. So i held up, like a strong hero from the outside, and told her that the past is past, we all make mistakes and as promised, I will always be here for you. "S" who is currently the angel I am dating was every prayer I ever asked, she is beautiful, intelligent and a woman with a great heart. And she has given me so much love, that I could not ask for more. "J" on the other hand, keeps callling me on a daily basis and she is trying to act as if we were back to gether. I dont want to let her know that we are not, but guys, my heart doesnt allow me to. Everytime i hear her voice I would melt once again. All she has to do is a call, and I m there with her...coz the feeling I have being with her is like no other.On the other hand, "S" loves me more then anything, she has prooven her love to me in so many ways and we have been having plans on marriage and stuff. And just for the record, when with "J" I put on a split personality...I am a different guy with her, more serious, and determined...when with "S" i am my real self, happy go lucky and chilled at all times. "J" is a biochemist, where "S" is a model for a couple of international brands, but I am just more comfy with "S" being myself but with "J" my heart stops everytime i looked her in her eye. I dont know what to do, I feel I need the both of them, "S" and "J". But I am so confused. Is "J" only back becouse she knows I have a soft spot for her? And I am willing to do anything? Is she taking advantage? Is love what I feel for her? I am willing to give my life for both of them...but..what do I do? I am so stuck..."J" wants it back...and my heart is going to refuse a "NO" where else "S" is an angel god sent to me...she loves me more then anything.I just dont know what to do, its such a dilema...I wish I could have them both without feeling guilty..and yeah..."J" does know I am seing someone...but she still wants a hook up....what do I do? Help is greately appreciated. Thank you all in advance.
View related questions:
fell in love, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 This sounds like a very complicated situation, but has a very easy answer in my opinion. J announced to you that she wanted to end the relationship when she lied to you about where she was at the mall. She now thinks you are a hero because you come to the rescue with cash in had to cover her bills. Of course she wants you back... you are willing to do anything for her, but do you REALLY want her back? Would you want to enter in to another relationship with her with all this past history... she has a histry of cheating, and is creating a history of using you, only needing you when she wants something. You admit yourself that you are not who you really are when you are around J. Do you want to be like this for the duration of your relationshp with her?
Now "S", as you say is an angel and a godsend, and you can be your "real, happy go lucky, chilled at all times" self. Yet you risk completely blowing this relationship because you can't resist playing hero to J. S loves you more than anything, but I doubt she will continue to love you like this if she finds out you are becoming involved with J again.
You've already answered your own question. You know it will be a mistake if you continue with J, you risk hurting S, and ruining what sounds like a great relationship. It's time to let J take her own lumps, you helped her out of a bind (the money thing) but it's time to tell her (AND YOURSELF) that you have moved on.
Go hug S, appreciate her, and know in your heart that involving yourself with J is going to put you in a position of always having to bail her out, and always being suspicious of her motives and where she is.
Best Wishes, Lilly
|
