A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I like a guy whose older than me. He's married, I'm not.He's only really made a sexual joke once or twice.Other than that, he tells me i'm pretty/cute, he holds doors, tries to make me laugh, compliments me, goes out of his way to talk to me and remembers little insignificant things i say.Is it possible that he has genuine feelings that he won't act on? Or do you think he just wants sex? Guys, what are the differences in how you act when you have genuine feelings rather than just wanting sex? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): Some people are just huge flirts, but maybe he does have a crush on you. Regardless I got involved with a married man and even though EVERYONE will tell you this and you'll still pursue it if you want anyway, my personal advice is, don't waste your time. Don't worry about the morals, because morals are irrelevant, I'm not going to get up on a high horse, because I got involved with a married man myself. BUT there's a lot of heartache going down that route. I mean, look how confused you are now about his feelings, your own feelings, and nothing has even happened. Can you imagine how hard it is pursuing things and really falling for someone who will never be able to put you first? Who will constantly give you 'mixed messages' and false promises because they have to put their wife and/or family first? Good luck to you, but please find interest in some other single man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, your answer was very helpful.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 July 2014):
 HE is married so what does it matter?
Does he have genuine feelings for a girl (you)? No, a married man chasing after some young girl is NOT being genuine. He either has an ulterior motive of having some sex on the side or getting his EGO stroked by some young thing.
If he starts with sob stories about how he never has sex with his wife, or doesn't love her any more, feels trapped, only married for the kid(s), yada-yada.. then he is looking to manipulate you into sleeping with him. And so many women are STUPID enough to think that THEY are better then the wife and can LOVE him better, be ALL that the wife can't. It's utter BULL SH**.
IF he GENUINELY cared he wouldn't HIT on you and other young girls WHILE being married.
BEING married should mean you are OFF LIMITS.
Do you really want some other woman's sloppy seconds? Want to start a relationship with a guy who can' GIVE you 100%? Who will spend holidays, vacations, majority of their time with their wife/kids and YOU get whatever he can spare? And knowing FULL well that he won't be leaving his wife for you.. and in the case he actually does... He is fully capable of leaving YOU for a younger model later on.
Try and not be so naive. And try not to get roped into some "fantasy" that he LOVES you or that you LOVE him. If keeping this banter and flirtation up means you are falling for him, I'd suggest YOU be the GROWN UP and nip this in the bud. Because guess what? If you work with him and his wife find out, YOU'd be the one who gets "let go". YOU will be the one with the broken heart. HE will have his wife. YOU... will have no one.
PUT yourself in the wife's shoes. HOW would you feel if your husband was out there chasing young girls?
I never understood the fascination with married men. It's not even like playing with fire.. It's like dousing yourself in gasoline and doing laps around a burning building. It's stupid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, he doesn't mention his wife and he never says hes unhappy.
We do talk about his child sometimes. Our conversations are pretty normal. I considered him my friend at the time and on my last day seeing him, He left without saying goodbye. Then he texted me calling me "babygirl"... its been months since We have seen each other or talked...and i'm worried because in about a month i'll be working with him again.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 July 2014):
 Btw, if he had genuine feelings for you, my bet is he would NOT be flirting with you. Why? Because he is married, and falling in love with someone else whilst married is problematic and just painful. So he'd most likely try to avoid you, if he had genuine feelings. This is the most common strategy for men who fall in love/develop feelings for someone they can't have. They distance themselves. Several men who I thought didn't like me at all, later on revealed that they actually had feelings for me, but circumstances at the time made it impossible for us to be together. So they would just not talk to me, in order to not fall harder/get over it.
Men who just wanted sex with me, on the other hand, would be very attentive and give me lots of compliments and send texts and try to make me laugh and lower my guard while they crept closer and closer....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 July 2014):
 When a guy has GENUINE feelings for a girl, he acts nice to her.
When a guy wants SEX from a girl, he also acts nice toward her.... EXCEPT it's all a facade, which he needs to keep up until he gets her to put out....
YOU (lucky lady) have to try to figure out which is which...
Good luck..
P.S. (hint:) Many/most married men are putting up the facade. I predict that he will tell you that he "never really loved his wife..." and/or, that "... things are terrible between us.. and I'm only staying for the kids...." Did I get those right?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (3 July 2014):
I think it's neither. He doesn't have feelings for you, and he's not after sex. He's after an ego boost. He liked feeling wanted (who doesn't) and finds it flattering that you give him attention, so he sucks up as much attention as he can get. But would he take things further? Probably not. He's married, after all. At best you'd get something sexual out of him. But married men are MARRIED, hello, do I really need to point that out to you? That means at the end of the day, he goes back home to his wife. And married men tend to STAY with their wife, no matter how many women on the side there may be...
How do you think a married man could, sincerely, develop feelings for someone else when he's already in a relationship? You'd be getting left over feelings, at best, whatever he doesn't already give to his wife.
He's just flirting with you, that's my bet. He has no further interest in you, and if you go falling for him or trying to break up the marriage then you'll learn a hard lesson and just have heart ache for years and years to come. Save yourself that crap and find yourself a man who is SINGLE.
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