A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:OK, so I'm 24 and this question's about sexuality.I'm attracted to women, would say about 95-98% probably, but for me it would take a mostly exceptional man in terms of personality, looks etc. for me to go out with him, but would this make me bisexual or not?I know they say it shouldn't matter, but imagine if I meet a woman who likes me one day, I tell her I'd had a relationship with a man, wouldn't I be damaged goods?I'm not homophobic, and probably shouldn't be worrying over this issue but need your help anyway.Sorry if this is quick... at a public wi-fi now. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): Thank you for your replies. I'm the anon who wrote this.
As for the point about being a virgin, well, I am one, only really dated women but never had sex with them at all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): I won't knowingly date a man who is bisexual for various reasons. I was asked by a supposedly bisexual man, if I would be interested and said no even though I found him attractive and nice etc. and had known him for a while, I assumed he was gay really though. I have a problem with being lied to, deceived and misled as do most people. Please don't lie about something major like this, as wiseowl said you can destroy people by doing something like that. Try to be honest with yourself and others about what you really want.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2014): If you are sexually attracted to both men and women, it's safe to say you're bisexual...if you must define your sexual-orientation. Your sexual-orientation does not define you.
We are all complex as individuals; and we are comprised of so much more than what turns us on sexually. It's only an issue for people hung-up on judging you by a singular facet of your being. That's pretty small and narrow-minded.
I guess who you tell, should be based on the level of trust you have for that person; and how much you want them to trust you.
Lying to a woman you want to marry, that you're 100% heterosexual; when you've had sex with men, is a deceitful thing to do. There's nothing to tell her, if you've never touched another man sexually; and never intend to.
She will base her feelings for you on what you've told her. She will believe you until you betray her trust. It will destroy her to discover you've lied once she has committed herself to you. Should you tell? What can you live with? How would you feel if you discovered she preferred women, but lied to you?
I have read about studies that claim there are presumed scales of attraction for one gender or the other among those who believe they are bisexual. No matter how big or small the percentile, you're not 100% heterosexual.
It's your nature. As debatable as anyone wants to make it; as far as you know, you were born that way.
You may feel your attraction to other men to be 2%; but isn't that subjective? Who could argue with you one way or the other about that? There would be ways to test your theory and honesty. The right time and place.
Someday, you may meet a man that you're 100% emotionally and sexually attracted to. Just as likely as you may meet a woman you are attracted to. You won't know until that occurs. You may only be yielding to the judgment of society, and holding back in order to stay within what you feel is acceptable. You still want to say, you're not gay.
If you commit to a woman; and decide you want to marry and start a family. You can suppress your attraction to men; however, it is unlikely the feelings will completely go away. You know that to be true. You live with the fact.
You can live a totally heterosexual life; but if you were ever sexually attracted to a man, and acted on that feeling. It isn't going to go away. It will simply lay dormant within you. "Going out" with a man doesn't make you bisexual. Being sexually aroused by another guy, the same as you would by a woman, does.
Always reminding you it's still there, when you see an attractive man. Should you fall in-love and marry a woman; that doesn't mean you will cheat on your wife. You cannot completely dismiss the possibility that your sexual attraction to men may overwhelm you at some point in your life. It's a part of who you are.
There is a misconception that although you are sexually aroused by men; by never having sexual contact with a man in any possible way, makes you heterosexual. It's in your mind. Not just the physical act, my friend. If you are a virgin, and touched neither a man nor a woman. You could still be heterosexual. The same holds true if you can feel sexual attraction toward a man, and never do anything about it. It doesn't change the fact you have homosexual attraction to other men.
You wouldn't even conceive it in your mind, if you were totally heterosexual. Which is also debatable, because men in prison will cross that line. Some will try it once, and never try it again. That was simply curiosity; and the proof of their heterosexuality is that they never desired to do it again. Like a gay who tries a woman, and will never turn straight. I had sex with women first. I found it very satisfying at that time. Now I don't.
I really find the female body attractive. I like breasts, pretty legs, and curvy butts. I just don't desire to have sex with women anymore. I have always been attracted to men. I simply had sex with women first. It's nice, but not for me. I am not bisexual; because I no longer want to have sex with women. I'm totally attracted to men, and act on this attraction. Although, I stare at sexy women like a straight guy would. It's totally visual.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2014): My ex-boyfriend told me that he had a homosexual experience about five years into the relationship. I wasn't bothered by it at all. He had been abused as a child and was confused about his sexuality at the time. I never felt like it was something he should have disclosed immediately. Unless you feel you need both men and women at the same time, I don't think that is something you need to disclose. Just be safe, and avoid dating women who are homophobic. Personally, I would never date someone who was homophobic or opposed gay marriage. Bringing up that topic would be an easy way to test someone out. My roommate in college actually insisted on watching Brokeback Mountain on the first date with every guy she ever dated. I'm not sure if that was a test of some kind, but just feel the person out and let them know when YOU feel comfortable.
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A
male
reader, thoughtsshared  +, writes (3 July 2014):
 A lot of people don't understand sexuality and simply categorise it into straight / gay / bisexual when in reality it's more fluid than that.
Marriage or 'wedlock' (considered by many to be incompatible with the modern lifestyle) insists that we are faithful to one person and therefore that we commit to a single sexuality.
I wouldn't think it's necessary to tell a partner your complete history as it would cause insecurity. I'm not condoning lying, but it's not necessarily your future partner's fault for not understanding fluid sexuality - it's society's fault.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 July 2014):
 Bisexuals are attracted to both gender. SO if you are attracted to and considering a relationship with EITHER a man or a woman I think you can call yourself bisexual. IF you need a label.
Some women don't want to date a bisexual man, only because they feel they would be "competing against men" in a sense. Some men don't want to date bisexual women. And some women and men DO NOT "care". They just love the person for who they are.
The thing is If you WANT a relationship with a guy, why not go for it? If what is holding you back is that SOME women wouldn't date you later on, then do you really think YOU would want to date woman like that? One that can't accept you for who you are?
I don't think a bisexual is more likely to cheat then a straight or a homosexual person. They just have a bigger selection in mates.
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