A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I've recently met a man who I really like. The problem is that he has a girlfriend.We met at a bar and kissed and then texted each other alot which lead to him coming over to my place to get to know each other better.We chatted alot and we had a kiss goodbye.I was under the impression that he and his girlfriend were on the verge of breaking up, but now it seems that that's not really the case.They bought a house together a few months ago and she doesn't even know that there is a problem.His parents split up recently and this has made him question his relationship but he has not mentioned this to her.What I want to know is: Is there any point in persuing this man? I do really like him but I just don't know whether i'm wasting my time or not.What do you think? Thanks for your time.
View related questions:
has a girlfriend, split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wild wolf +, writes (3 January 2013):
i have the same problem. i like a guy with a girlfriend but the guys girlfriend is my enemy and me and the guy know each other very very well I've looked everywere for this type of answer. i still cant find it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): Hey....I have the same problem.. I like someone who has a girlfriend bu I also have a boyfriend and I don't know what to do... I am just waiting for a sign from this guy I like and if I do then I may make a move... I mean I like my boyfriend but I have always been told that when your in a relationship that you need to feel that connection but I just don't feel it anymore but I do with this other guy. I will just have to wait and see I think you should just ask this man upfront If he really like you and will be willing to leave his misses for you and if he says yeas then he is worth it and go for it... Good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, Dove  +, writes (11 June 2008):
You know what you are doing is wrong but you are trying to justify what you are doing with b.s.
You need to leave this man alone. You know he is in a relationship and you still spent time with this man and went as far to kiss him.
You would not want this done to you. You are doing nothing more than empowering men that are involved in relationships to cheat on their significant other.
You are wrong and need to stop.
...............................
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (23 January 2008):
I hope you are not saying this to impress us but saying it honestly,for your sake.In the event you are telling us da truth,i congratulate you and best wishes in your future endeavours.
Good Luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thankyou SO much for all of your replies! I just thought I would let you know that I am no longer interested in this guy. I agree that he is totally wrong to be persuing other women when he has a girlfriend. I don't know how I could have even considered it!
Thanks again!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): "All's fair in love and war"
Here we go. What a lame justification. I agree with most of the Aunts on this page, I disagree with that expression. There are always some females who 'choose' to always give themselves permission (without a conscience) to upend and cause unrelenting pain in another woman's life. As some of the Aunts pointed out...look at his behaviors. He wants to cheat on his gf. Sweety, he's a cad and you know it. Don't lower yourself to his level. And you know full well, no one has the right to interfere in another woman's love relationship. Back away.
Because, if you go through with this and pursue him, irregardless, of her feelings..then I would say that 'you are a female without a conscience' and you need to learn framework of values in life...in regards to caring for other people and not causing pain. Prove me wrong and stay away from him. You should be feeling some compassion and guilt toward his gf, for even thinking of going after her man. Only good people feel guilt and only good people learn from guilt. And...it doesn't matter what problems they have..leave them alone to work it through. Tell him to get his own life and relationship problems in order before you even consider dating him...plain and simple. As for people who don't have that conscience and told you to do it...all I have to say is--I find it amazing how far people will go to squash their values, their guilt, their conscience by using terms like 'my happiness' as a justification to hurt others. Good luck, dear and make the right decision. Take care.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): o boy have i been in this situation!! look.. i understand your totally confused and i bet even an emotional rollercoaster!! sometimes it goes great but yet sometimes you feel crushed.. i know you don't wana hear let it go so im gonna be optimistic and just be hopeful.. don't look too desperate or needy, show him your independent but he should know you care .. good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, chlez83 +, writes (4 January 2008):
You should do what you'd expect anyother woman to do if that guy were your boyfriend.However,it's really up to you because it's clear you've really fallen for the guy.If you don't mind being the other woman,go ahead.But if you want a man of your own,this is surely not the one for you.Tell you what if you really want him and believe you can make a good couple,distant yourself.Give him time to sort out his love life but i seriously don't think there's anything he's going to sort out apart from you.
Take care
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Well, You konw that he has a problem,don't you? It's called Relational-Infidelity. And if he is engaged in it with you, and even if your relationship jells.there will be no more of a commitment to you than he has with his present gf. you had better move on before you get emotionally burned.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sparkly_Stars +, writes (4 January 2008):
 Well to be honest, if hes willing to cheat on his girlfriend and even made a committment to move in with her, then what makes you think he won't cheat on you with someone else in the future?? Once a cheater always a cheater, and regardless of whether he is having personal issues or not, that does not excuse him being disloyal to his girlfriend. Tread very carefully! x x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Of course, you are wasting your time. Hun, you are experiencing a state of mind that happens when one lacks good judgement about relationships. You want a man who is committed to another woman and has heartfelt feelings for her. Even if he tells you he's not experiencing that...he is. Because he's still with her and not you. He has just bought a house with her, a huge committment snf financial responsibility...he has no intention of going anywhere. I have to be honest, but it sounds like you want to be loved and cherished so badly, with this guy, you are willing to allow your emotions to mess up your life. You need to be strong here and care about your emotional well-being far more than him. When you do that, all will become clear and you will realize that 'he's a waste of time'. Stop listening to this guy and what he's telling you. Get out there in life and find a guy who loves you for you and wants to have an awesome love relationship with only you. Tell yourself---you deserve to be cherished.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): you have to be extremely careful in a situation like this. i fell for a guy who has a girlfriend and he always made it seem as though they were going to break up. it is two years later and they still have not broken up. actually, they are living together now. i would not advise you to pursue him unless the relationship with this girl is over. also, if he does leave her don't jump into a relationship with him right away. you don't want to be a rebound.
i know you may feel like you really like him or even love him,but don't let get that get the best of you. you will only hurt yourself. so just watch his moves before you pursue.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 All's fair in love and war. A man does not belong to anyone unless he has her ring on his finger.Up to the last minute, the man is still a free man and available and it is not wrong or unethical . The best woman wins.
If you think this man is worth it, just let the relationship bloom and enjoy his company.
...............................
A
female
reader, lawstudentemma +, writes (4 January 2008):
I think you have to be really careful here. Sounds like his running away from his problems... your his escape. Either that or he is generally unhappy at home.
But on the otherhand, I believe you should pursue your desires. Worked out for me. After all, there appears to be no children in the equation.
Maybe drag it on for a while longer... don't get too attached and just see where it goes. But in most cases, especially where there are financial ties such as a house, they are reluctant to leave. But there is no harm in seeing where it can go... just as long as you set yourself boundaries.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (4 January 2008):
 i think... he has a girl friend and is ment to be in a commted relationship and is probably gonna cheat on her if he hasn't done so already..
you girls sure know how to pick'em.
...............................
|
