A
female
age
30-35,
*uliet94
writes:I'm secretly like my brother friend alot for one year.I did not tell about this to both of them as I thought it may affect their friendship.Now I came to know reasonly he had a girlfriend and he had broken up with her.he was with her for 2 months.Now he is facing the break up phase and he can't forget her.He is moving on.There is one good and bad news now.bad news even though he break up,he likes someone else not me which actually hurts me a lot.I was in one side love for 1 year.I am a sincere and true always.All the way I was secretly caring and admiring him without expressing him my feelings.I did not get the right time to tell him about this.Now I'm regretting why I did not tell him earlier about this.The good news is he had broken up with her but still having feelings for her because now only they broke up.Im still in love with him the same way.Nothing changed.They will say its hard to see the person you love loving someone.its true.On the other hand after his break up he says girls love is not true.His friends girl friends also break up with them.I'm here deeply and truly in love with him and its hurts to hear saying a girl love is not true just because of his ex.I just feel like expressing my feelings to him right away but again holding it because he is already broken due to the break up and still having feelings for his ex.I'm very sad actually.
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (7 November 2017):
 You should let go of this guy and the sooner, the better.
He is a friend to your brother, he had a gf, they broke up, but he's ALREADY interested in a new girl and he's only just broken up with his ex not so long ago.
If he and this new girl were to start dating, i'm sure it would end fast, because his "intent" for dating her, would be "false" and "on the rebounds".
You say you've liked him for so long and i'm gathering one year, however, during this time, it's YOU who's had a crush on this guy, however, he has felt nothing for you.
If he did, he'd have approached you and asked you out by now and if he had the best intent toward you, or any girl, he'd not be jumping so quickly, from one girl to another.
The real issue here though, is that this guy, he appears to be a bit of a ladies man, a player, because he can drop one girl, then quickly move onto another.
What makes you think/feel that he'd treat you any better?
He would not treat you any different to all his ex's, because he isn't a stable and committed type of guy.
Certainly not at this point in his life.
You sound quite grounded and mature, so you are better off avoiding such a person and waiting until you find the right person.
Somebody who wants what you want, love and stability and above all else, somebody who actually wants and chooses to be with you of "his own free will".
Anyway, you wouldn't want to date a guy who's quickly coming in and out of relationships and one who's still not over his ex/s and found complete closure.
Dating anybody, who's still not over an ex is the biggest mistake and unfortunately you'd have to take every fall.
I doubt you want to do that.
Whilst it's true that you really like this guy and would like to be his girl, you must realise that you are not his girl and you must come to accept that the two of you are not meant to be.
You have a sweet fantasy in your head that YOU'VE CREATED AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH REALITY.
You say you feel very sad actually, well, i can promise you that if you dated this guy and he did to you, what he's done to other girls, you'd feel 10 times sadder and feel overwhelmingly hurt and disappointed.
You'd also start to lose trust in guys early on in life, because of one "guy" that you'd have been better off without in the first place.
Don't ever place yourself in such a vulnerable position.
Also, guys/men don't like women who appear desperate, clingy and jealous.
Be strong, be focused and get your head space in the right order, because you cannot force nor coerce anybody to want to be with you, just because you like them a lot and vica versa.
Somebody that suits you very well is somewhere out there, but you just haven't met him yet.
Remember, patience is a real virtue, so be patient and good things will come to those who wait.
All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2017): I think you're crushing for the wrong guy. He's on the rebound, and he'll break your heart.
The thing about dating friends of your siblings is that it's a little too close to home. If things don't work-out, they could become enemies over you. He's better being your brother's friend. Leave it that way.
Guys who can swing from one girl to the next like Tarzan, usually have the "player-gene." They want this girl, then the next, and the next. They will mess-up one relationship; want to keep her, but will still want to play-around with other girls. That's how they roll. The fact you can crush on a guy for a whole year; says you're not emotionally-prepared to deal with a guy like that.
Keep your school-girl crush to yourself. Even if he's a good-guy, he won't be good dating-material for several months. It's too soon. You need to outgrow crushing.
Holding infatuation for people is immature, unhealthy, and borders on obsession. We all crush, but eventually those crushes have to wear-off; when we get no feedback from the object of our affections. I understand that women can feel very deeply; and that's why you have to be more careful where you direct those wonderful feelings. Save them for guys who are deserving. Protect your heart, when you see first-hand how a guy treats his past girlfriends.
Especially; when you know they aren't over their exes.
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