A
male
age
36-40,
*sAny1OutThere
writes:I messed up really bad recently in my 3-year relationship. During those 3 years, we took a break for 4 months and I had a little bit more fun then I led her to believe. She asked me over and over again if I had done anything at all and I denied it all. Well now, she was close to finding out and I felt that the best thing for me to do is to come out and tell her everything. Now she really hates me, wants to end this relationship, and does not have any trust or faith in me. She feels that I have cheated her our whole relationship and she is very hurt by it. I know what i've done was so wrong but one lie led to another lie and so on and I should have been honest from the get-go but I wasnt, and now i'm paying for it. I just don't know what to do anymore to try and help things and regain trust. I really love this girl and I was going to ask to marry her within the next couple of months. I feel so alone and confused and frusturated, can anyone help? any advice?
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male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (20 October 2007):
 hi
i am sorry now that you have broken her heart,with disloyalty then there is no going back, if you forgive the saying (not even when hell freezes over) once you have broken that bond and trust between you, there is no turning back you will be a brave man to ask her to marry you, make sure you duck when she throws the fridge at you, marriage is built on love and trust and loyalty,once you have broken one of these rules you are in deep trouble, but if you break then all which you have done, i do not now a woman on earth who would have you back, good luck with your next girlfriend do not make the same mistake again.
A
female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (20 October 2007):
 ok. i have been in this EXACT situation this year. exactly..except i'm your girlfriend.
my boyfriend and i went on a break and he told me he was texting another girl to stop him from being lonely but it wasnt really anything. turns out he was spending every free moment he had with her and he was even sleeping with her. when i found out i was absolutely devastated. i couldnt believe he had lied to me so much when i asked him outright if he had done anything.
it hurts to be betrayed by someone you love. but i forgave him and we stayed together after that. i wont lie though, it was hard and it was never really the same after that because i was always wondering what else he was lying about and if i asked him something i could never be sure he was being honest because he had blatantly lied to me before. when the trust is gone its very hard to get it back.
but i think to start trying to put things right you need to give your girlfriend a little bit of space. shes hurt and confused and probably feels like she doesnt even know you right now so give her time to gather her thoughts and clear her head then explain to her you didnt lie to her to cover anything up or to get yourself out of trouble you only did it to protect her and because you didnt want her to get hurt. kudos to you for telling her yourself when you realised she might find out. thats more respect than i got! you could've kept denying it even if she had found out but you didnt and that speaks volumes about you and how much you care for her.
i think you need to explain to her how sorry you are and that you will do anything to make it up to her. you need to be completely honest with her about everything. she obviously feels the same way i do about lies - i can get over just about anything as long as he has enough respect for me to tell me the truth about whatever he's done. if he lies to me, treats me like a fool and is basically laughing at me behind my back thats a different matter.
so just tell her how sorry you are, that you've learned your lesson, explain what she means to you and that its not like you cheated on her because you guys were on a break and you cant see into the future - you didnt know you were going to get back together but that you understand the issue here is not what you did but that you lied about it. and if she does forgive you and take you back make sure you do learn your lesson and for the love of god do NOT lie to her again. about anything. your gonna be working like a Trojan to get her trust back so dont do anything to blow it.
best of luck
brooke
xx
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