A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I Have a lot to say so here goes. I have a big problem with men. my ex broke up with me 6 months ago because i cheated on him with the guy i,m living with now. but this guy i,m with now well we don,t really get along. so anyway my ex is let his ex girlfriend move in right after he kicked me out but he wants to work it out with me. but however he cant make up his mind on weather he can ever trust me again. his he just saying that. so anyway i,v been seeing a friend on the side who is still married but is trying to leave his wife because he wants to be with me. his wife cheated on him more then once. I don,t know what to do anymore. on one hand i want a second chance with my ex but if he really wanted me back he would tell whats her face to move out. and on the other hand i don,t know if my married friend will leave his wife what should i do please help me?
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (19 April 2011):
I think you need to ask yourself, are you just using these men to fulfill some unsatisfied needs or insecurities in you? Are you just afraid of being alone and single? If you are, then no matter which of these guys you end up with, it will be an unhealthy and tortuous relationship anyway.
it's not just a matter of which guy should you get together with (well in the case of your married friend, he isn't even a real option on the table unless and until he gets divorced so to add him to your equation now is premature and just complicating things). It also depends on where you're coming from when you get together with someone, and where they are coming from.
If your ex really distrusts you (and with good reason), it's doesn't sound like getting back together will be good. You could be in for a lot of arguing and mistrust which destroys intimacy. If you're willing to try anyway then by all means, but if you go in knowing that this is a likely outcome, then why go in at all?
If your married friend is "trying" to leave his wife, but hasn't, I don't think you can rely on him, he hasn't proven that he is someone who can keep his word. "Trying" to leave someone yet without progress is not a good thing to be doing - it means he's obviously not committed to his relationship with his wife and yet he's not owning up to it and ending it like a man either.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 Your second response was not visible when I posted my followup, yes, you do need to just get out of this, away from all these people, you seem to have lost touch with reality, as if this behaviour is normal, and okay.
You are all cheaters, what a toxic environment for you all. The only sane thing you can do is get away from each and every one of these people and start moving in different circles, with the sort of people who believe in faith and monogomy and being true to each other.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (18 April 2011):
Oh dear, I missed the wife was a cheater, yeah take her with you, she will make one more person to cheat and be cheated on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionk thanks for all of your help people but that dose,t help me at all i really just need to get away from every one.and never look back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): LOL... I agree with Aunty BimBim.. except the married man's wife is also cheating on him so she go there too.How can any of you expect to take a relationship seriously when you're all cheating on each other? Where is the trust? I would move on from all of these people and try to figure out why you cheated in the first place.
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A
female
reader, tzeller +, writes (18 April 2011):
 This entire post screams unethical. Here goes:Move on from both of them and start with a clean slate. The married man will most likely not leave his wife, isn't that how the story always goes? Married man has an affair, promises to leave his wife, months go by he's still with her and you just end up feeling like the back up. Not worth it, move on. Now to your ex: He's NOT just saying that he can't trust you, he really can't trust you, he has no reason to. If you get back into a relationship with him, it's going to be a relationship based off jealousy and all it's going to be is a constant argument over if you're really doing what you're saying you're doing. That will get annoying, and since you are a cheater, your cheating tendencies will probably cause you to cheat on him again. Therefore, i say you drop both guys and start with a clean slate. STOP cheating because it's a heartless thing to do. If you aren't ready to settle down in a relationship, don't be in one. Simple as that.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (18 April 2011):
Okayyy, I just need to sort this out in my mind.
You had a boyfriend. You were cheating on him. He found out and dumped you.
He is now with the person who was his ex when you were his current.
The person you were cheating with, you are now in a relationship with.
You are cheating on him with a married man (another cheater).
Your married man friend wants to leave his wife and live with you, two cheaters together, thats sounds good, shame about his marriage though
but
you really want to get back with your ex, who is cheating on his current g/f by saying he wants to get back to you.
Have I got that straight?
I think you should all move to some deserted island somewhere, without the married man's wife, because there you could all cheat on each other to your heart's content and the rest of humanity wouldn't have to put up with you all.
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